


My Shining Star

by envious_ema



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-07
Updated: 2011-05-07
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/envious_ema/pseuds/envious_ema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles is the NFL's most coveted quarterback, he gave up everything to be where he is today; even the chance to Love.<br/>Jared Padalecki is content with his lot in life; he has a great job a great family and friends. so what if he had a non existent love life because he was still in love with the man that spurned him to become a football star. What happens when an untimely accident forces Jensen to return to his hometown and comes face to face the one person who he is most scared to face?</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Shining Star

Prologue:

“Catch me if you can…”

“…not fair you cheated!”

“I’ll make it up to you…”

“I love you baby.”

“You’re my shining star,” the voice so loving, and he was so happy.

A groan escaped his lips and someone moaned, soon it was getting hard to breath but they didn’t care.

 

Suddenly it was raining, he could feel the tears burning his eyelids, his heart felt like it was about to burst.

Those dimples that he loved were now marred with tear tracks, eyes that always used to sparkle with laughter and mischief now looked hunted, empty…desperate.

“Please don’t leave me…”

But he was too selfish…it was time to let go.

 

“Ackles”

“Ackles”

The voices boomed, and the chant became louder and louder as he got nearer and for the first time in a long time he felt…good.

He took a long breath of air, it smelt like freshly cut grass, hot dogs, sweat and grime, god he loved it. This was it, this was his dream, and this was why he left…everything.

He closed his eyes and listened to the chant…focus Ackles.

“Ackles”

“Ackles”

 

“Ackles”

Someone was shaking him, someone was shouting in his ears, actually it sounded like that idiot Murray.

“Ackles you old dog, you taking you’re nap before play time?” followed by raucous laughter that jarred him awake.

Jensen shook off the dream; he should be used to it by now, but no matter how many years passed he always came back to it, the feeling still sharp and painful, those brown green eyes begging him, ‘Please don’t leave me’ Jensen shook his head again.

“Aw, did you get scared of The Murray? So you should be old man so you should be,” followed by more laughter.

The ‘old man’ stung more than Jensen let on, thirty was hardly old, but in football years your days were now numbered, but Jensen didn’t think about that…often.

“We’ll see who gets scared when I bring home that Superbowl for the third time Murray,” Jensen drawled as he looked around the room.

Everybody was decked out and ready to face the New York Panthers and win, the Lions of Chicago knew with Jensen Ackles as their quarterback winning the Superbowl third year in a row wasn’t just a dream…it was a damn near prophecy.

Jensen looked around at his teammates, they were more than that; they were his family. The older players respected him, the younger ones looked up to him and with good reasons too.

Jensen was probably one of the very few football players who didn’t sleep with everything that moved; he was also probably the only player apart from the happily married ones who didn’t stay out till the morning light and party. But above all Jensen Ackles had integrity and a love and respect for the game. Everyone in the NFL knew Jensen would give up anything to play football…anything.

He nodded towards his friend Chris the best wide-receiver in the NFC and he was damn confident they were going to win, and now if this idiot Murray just went and drowned himself somewhere Jensen’s life would be complete.

Jensen took in the bleached blonde hair, the wide smirk, the fidgety movement, and hoped to hell he wasn’t as annoying as Chad Michel Murray when he was 22.

Chad wasn’t a bad sort and as the team’s backup quarterback he was naturally competitive with Jensen, after all he was being groomed to take over after Jensen. But the dammed brat didn’t have to be so annoying about it, ‘right as if you would’ve liked him any better if he worshipped your feet,’ his inner voice piped up.

‘Ok maybe not but still there was merit in the thought,’ Jensen was lost in a day-dream where Chad was scrubbing all the muddy football boots by hand when his attention wavered.

Their coach came in and announced it was time and all the players filed out almost too quietly, as if going to their execution and in a way Jensen suppose it was. This game could make or break their careers, football gave generously but it took away copiously as well, the same people who made you, could break you.

“Well, have fun on the bench Murray,” Jensen smirked as he put on his helmet and made his away, wiping every thought from his mind, nothing mattered anymore, nothing apart from the beautiful game.

It was all Jensen could remember when he came to, what the hell happened. He opened his eyes slowly, damn he was feeling groggy, where was he? He tried to move his head…what the fuck?

Jensen had to bite his lips so hard it bled, but fuck it hurt, he wondered what happened, all he could remember was the adrenaline that was pumping through his veins.  
He remembered half-way into the game, he and his team were playing better than ever before, maybe they got too cocky, but Kane fumbled with a pass second or so but it was too late, by the time Jensen had the time catch the ball the defence line-backer already hurled into him.

All Jensen remembered was blinding white hot pain, and then no more.

“Mr. Ackles, I see you’re awake,” then blurs of doctors and nurses followed by poking and prodding. There were lots of medical jargons, and technical terms but Jensen had enough sports injuries to understand torn ligaments, and fractured kneecap.

By the time they dosed him up with more morphine Jensen was numb, he knew what this meant; it was over, his dream was over and he slipped into a fitful sleep.

Peacefulness evaded him, his dreams were filled with pain and misery, and tearful brown green eyes looked at him with accusations, “I love you,” which then morphed in to Murray’s laughing face, “I told you old man, your time is over. They used to chant your name but now they are going to chant my name,” the mockery was too much for Jensen and he forced himself to wake up.

There were no physical pain thanks to the pain meds but the pain in his heart was unbearable, it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.

It was all too much, Jensen closed his eyes and went to his, ‘happy place’ as Jensen liked to call it, he was back in his high school, behind the football field bleachers, a tall gangly boy with soulful pair of brown green eyes and a gorgeous dimply smile was waiting for him, “You’re my shining star baby,” and they were kissing like they’ve never been apart.

But the pain didn’t go away, for the first time it didn’t work for Jensen, it didn’t calm him down; in truth it made him even more depressed.

He gave up everything for this game…everything, his family, home, friends, Jared…everything and now it was all over in one full swoop.

And for the first time in 12 years Jensen Ackles cried himself to sleep.

Chapter 1:

Jared Padalecki was Happy, well not happy exactly but not unhappy either, he was content. Yes that was the right word, he was content.

Because very early on in his life Jared had learnt is that true happiness came with a price, a price if you are not willing to pay, you had no right to be happy, and Jared Padalecki had given up that right when he was sixteen years old.

So he was content, he had a great life really, he wasn’t homeless, or starving, he had a job he loves, a comfortable flat, great family, friends he adored, what more could a guy want?

The lunch time bell, followed by a rushing of footsteps and children’s laughter jolted Jared out of his funk. He didn’t know why he was thinking about this stuff all of a sudden, he always had been thankful with what he has, not what he used to have.

Jared sighed and looked out of the big classroom window, he could see children running around playing without a care in the world and he felt himself smile. He loved children and they loved him right back, which made him a very popular teacher among his 3rd graders in Brook Valley Elementary.

Jared shook his head making his bangs fall into his eyes as he stood up, it was time to get to work. He put away the morning’s artistic mess, all the painting materials because little Jenny insisted she couldn’t draw her picture with crayons; she needed watercolour, and about ten different stacks of coloured paper because Mark wondered what happens if he painted the primary colours on coloured paper instead of plain white.

Jared smiled to himself as he put the materials away; other teachers might have been irritated with the extra work but Jared really didn’t mind. Each of his children were unique and he was proud of each one of them, like little Olivia who was painfully shy and soft-spoken but loved telling stories she made up, and there was Aaron who was physically the biggest pupil in his class, and at first little kids always get intimidated by him, but he was one of the kindest boy Jared knew.

Just as he started to prepare the afternoon’s activities for the class, they were going to read Pepper the sheep’s adventure and then write their own adventures, he was started by the knock on his door.

“Come on in,” he said to the gorgeous girl standing on the doorway.

“Thanks Jay, I had to get away, Suzanne is talking everybody’s ears off about her new car,” she said as she came around and unceremoniously slumped on his chair.

“Again?” he inquired making her snort because Jared knew it would get Sophia ranting, he wasn’t in the mood for a probing conversation, which knowing Sophia was only seconds away.

Sophia Bush, his best friend since their first day in kindergarten, Jared could still clearly remember she came in with big red bow on her hair and two boys in their class laughed at her so much she cried. He also remembered how she followed him around all day, sharing her lunch with him after he beat those boys up. They have been best friends since then before they even understood what best friends were, and she knew him well enough to know instantly he was rehashing old wounds again.

“Don’t you think I don’t know what you’re doing Jared Padalecki?” she chided as she got up to leave.

“We’re going to Mike’s tonight, and you better tell me what it is on you’re mind buster or there will be a certain phone call to a certain Padalecki about how her precious boy is so lonely…” the smirk clear on her voice knowing she won this one.

Jared almost groaned out loud as she left, his mother or Sophia, he’ll take the lesser evil at least Sophia won’t prod him to eat everything she cooked and then tell him how all her friend’s kids have married and procreated and maybe Jared should be thinking about settling down, after all he was 28 now. She certainly wouldn’t tell him how her bridge partner had a nephew who is also gay and single and Jared might like to go out on a date with him.

Jared sighed, Mike’s it was then.

Mike’s bar was as trendy as they got in Brookside Valley, population 3,500.

Jared easily spotted Sophia, sitting at the bar engaged in what looked like a very serious conversation with Mike himself, accompanied by a lot of hand gestures.

But knowing them two, it was a probably a conversation about how cosmopolitan was a better drink than bloody Mary or something equally non-significant.

Jared looked around the bar, it was crowded with the usual crowd, he saw Gina tending the tables, flirting with anyone and anything, and there was Johnny who was actually trying to make out with the jukebox. Jared closed his eyes, he really didn’t need that picture in his head, he turned around and spotted Jeff sitting in the bar corner brooding nursing a scotch, he’s probably had been here since Mike opened.

Ever since Samantha decided she wanted to go back to college Jeff had been spotted always brooding in the bar.

Jeffery Ackles had always been like a second father to Jared, and Samantha took care of him as well as his own mother.

Jared sighed and made his way over to Jeff, whatever Jensen ever did to Jared, he never stopped being nice to the Ackles. Heck they were sadder for him then Jensen when Jensen finally left. Jared felt his heart twist and he shook the thought off,

“How are you Jeff?” he asked better to start with the light questions.

“Oh hello Jared, nothing, it’s just Sam, you know how she decided to go on a cooking course in Italy with Romero…” Jeff twisted his nose at ‘Romero’ as if he just smelt something bad.

‘Oh that,’ thought Jared, he was always amused how Jeff got jealous of any men even looking at Sam’s way even though it was clear to everyone else that she only had eyes for Jeff.

Jared always got wistful whenever he thought about Jeff and Sam’s marriage, or his own parents marriage, heck even Tom and Mike had the civil partnership thing to a pat, would he ever find someone of his own, ‘well there was one,’ Jared stopped that train of thought before it got started.

Suddenly the words Jensen…accident…over got his attention.

Jeff was still talking now morosely how Samantha was really falling for that phony Italian with a bad tan.

“Sorry Jeff, but did you say something about Jensen?” his heart was beating so fast it felt like it was in his throat.

“Oh yeah, he had an accident, busted his knee, he came back home today, said wanted to see how we’re doing. But I know why he's really here, my poor boy,” Jeff was now shaking his head, he was almost in tears.

And even though Jared knew Jeff was one of the toughest men who became a weepy wimp when he got drunk, Jared felt like joining him.

It seemed like hours but could’ve been minutes when he finally made his away to Sophia, maybe Jeff was really drunk had no clue what he was talking about, ‘yes that’s right, like that time he thought he saw big foot,’ Jared tried to smile at the thought but it came out as a grimace instead.

“Jay my man,” came an exuberant welcome.

Jared smiled at Mike, very few people actually got Michael Rosenbaum, at first impression that guy can be a tool but he had the heart of gold and was one of Jared’s closest friends along with his partner Tom.

“Hey Mike, what was the outcome of World War III?” referring to the conversation between him and Sophia.

They both suddenly got quite, both determined to look at anywhere but him and Jared knew.

“What’s going on?” ‘Please tell me you guys decided to join some kind of cult and want me to donate an organ or something, please’ he begged silently.

Sophia cleared her throat, and then she cleared it again, “Umm…well the thing is…you see Jared…erm…” she took a sip of her drink, and offered him a wide grin that kind of made her look like she belonged to a mental ward and Jared knew he was screwed.

“Oh for god’s sake women, I thought you had the nerve of steel,” oh Mike, he always knew the right thing to say.

“Jensen’s back,” she blurted it out and even though Jared had a slight inclination that this might me the case he still wasn’t prepared for the emotions, after 12 years the pain was still too raw, too heart wrenching.

“She’s right, I saw him at the gas station today,” Mike said his voice full of sympathy before he went off to serve someone.

Jared wanted to scream, and throw a tantrum, ‘Who the fuck Jensen thought he was? How dare he come back just when Jared was forgetting him?’

“Excuse me,” he said to Sophia ignoring her looks of pity and walked away.

An old anger, one he thought he buried long ago, threatened to pull him in the past. He pushed against it, tapped it down tight and then shut it out.  
Then he felt nothing at all.

Chapter 2:

Jensen smiled at his mother; she was running around the kitchen like a headless chicken, trying to cook all his favourites at once.

He suddenly felt a pang of homesickness; he hadn’t come home since he left 12 years ago that rainy day. Sure he had kept in touch with his parents but only sporadically, he talked to them on the phone occasionally, and he flew them out to Chicago couple of times but that was it, everything else just took precedence, training camp, practice, travelling, promotions and Jensen wasn’t even sure if was ready to come back to Brookside Valley, until now.

The town hadn’t changed at all; a thought that both reassured and annoyed Jensen to no end, reassured that no matter what else was going on in his life this was one constant that would never change and annoyed because…well because there were some subtle changes like; the minute-mart was now run by some guy called Trevor, not John who used to give him free lollies and Betty’s diner was now Georgina’s salon…it seemed like everybody had moved on. Jensen sighed at his own stupidity, what did he thought; that nothing would change, he could just come back and pick up where he left off.

His mother’s voice brought him back to the present; he looked at breakfast plate; yup everything fried just the way he liked them, and he attacked the breakfast with gusto. In training camp their diet was brutal, they had to watch what they ate constantly, although there was no restriction on how much they could eat but there were restrictions on what exactly they ate, there were lots of protein and carbohydrate on their diet, but nothing deep fried, although players made up for it enough as soon as the season ended.

At the moment Jensen’s fate was still hanging in the balance until training season started back up again and until then Jensen could enjoy his mother’s cooking to his hearts content.

He was so intent on eating that he didn’t realise how quite it had gotten and he looked up to his mother staring at him with such a wonder in her face that didn’t even notice the tears in her eyes until they spilled.

“Mom, what’s the matter?” he stood up and made his way round the counter.

She shook her head, “Nothing, it’s just that I haven’t seen you eat, you know really eat since you were 18, what kind of a mother does that make me?” her voice was broken.

Jensen felt worse than a criminal; he had no answer because really what could he say. This was entirely his fault; he made both his parents unhappy because he was a selfish bastard who only cared about what he wanted, he didn’t even think how his decision would affect them.

“You are amazing mom and I love you so much, and it’s not your fault that I didn’t come home, it was mine because I could’ve come back any time I wanted mom, I just…didn’t.”

Both of them now crying, holding each other so tight, a mother grieving because she really didn’t know what kind of a man her child grew up to be, a son regretting how he wasted his years without a thought for his nearest and dearest running after an illusion.

“I am so sorry mom, so sorry,” damn it, 12 years he couldn’t even shed a single tear and now he was crying in buckets at the drop of a hat.

“Oh honey, no I’m not sad because that you left, I am proud of you, of what you’ve become, of what you’ve achieved and so is your father. We’re just sad that you didn’t come home! But now you’re home and I am going to enjoy most of it. And Jensen Ross Ackles if you think this is the last time you’re coming home, you have another thing coming, now finish you’re breakfast,” and just like that he knew she had forgiven him. Jensen felt lighter with that knowledge and went back to his breakfast, now his dad; that was a different ball game all-together.

“Jensen,” he looked up again with a sense of déjà vu, she had the same intense stare from before, “you have nothing to apologise for, not to me anyways,” she finished with a meaningful look and Jensen felt his hand tremble.

“I know mom,” she nodded seemingly satisfied with his answer and carried on with her washing up.

Jensen was just finishing his coffee when he father tumbled in the room, Dr. Jeffery Dean Ackles was still a handsome son of a gun at 50, he and Jensen shared the same build, and colouring, he was just a bit taller then Jensen and grey hair coated his temple giving him a distinguished look that still caused many women to swoon.

“Well if it isn’t my dear husband,” his mother’s cutting remark took him aback.

His parent’s marriage always been solid, one of those marriages made in heaven, destined to be together forever.

But the interaction between them now shocked him, what the hell happened? He noticed the tone of his father’s voice when he spoke; it was almost condescending, whereas his mother was almost passive-aggressive, his mother was never passive-aggressive. Samantha Smith-Ackles could rip the toughest of men a new one and now it was like she couldn’t care less if her marriage went down the drain, it was like she was amused at Jeff’s attempt to cut her down.

Jensen just sat there feeling out of sort while Jeff left for the hospital and his mother for a lunch at the social club, he hated to admit it; he was a little bit scared by what he just saw. His parents were his foundation, and what he just witnessed that weren’t his parents.

Did things really change that much in 12 years?!

Apparently so as he made his way to Mike’s bar that night, he vaguely recalled Mike when he was at school, the kid was super weird, had a bald head all through high school and did a presentation in front of the whole school how he believed aliens really existed. Although Jared used to hang out with Mike fair bit just laughing it off when Jensen used to tease him for hanging out with a boy that put ketchup in everything he ate, Jensen could swear he saw Mike put ketchup on a pop tart once, ‘Yuck,’ he thought as he made his way to the bar.

Taking his drink from a barmaid who was flirting shamelessly at everything that Jensen was reminded of the groupies that used to hang out at hotel lobbies, Jensen made his way to a corner of the bar. Really he had no interest in talking to other people, he just wanted to drink, maybe get drunk a little or a lot and slip into oblivion.

Jensen made his way home by foot, he wasn’t drunk, he wasn’t even tipsy, he was just a little buzzed and the night was warm, a perfect evening for walking home.

He didn’t even notice where he was going, his feet carrying him automatically and by the time he noticed he realised he was front of a yellow painted house…Jared’s house.

Jensen looked around, the house was different in so many ways, it had been re-painted, the flower beds were different, now full of marigold and daisy’s rather than the roses and chrysanthemums Mrs. Padalecki used to favour, the garage was new as well, rebuilt and polished since he’d seen it last.

The light on the living room caught his attention, the Padalecki’s were still up then, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to knock on the front door, Jared probably still doesn’t live at home and he would just say a quick hello to Sharon and Jeremy.

He was just about to knock on the door again and nearly jumped out of his skin before the door swung open before he could even raise his hand.

Through the screen and dark interior he could make an outline of a man, a tall man, his shirt was missing and the light in the hallway cast a warm golden glow from behind, pouring over his broad shoulders, ‘ok so maybe Jared does still live at home.’

He gathered up all the courage he didn’t have, “Hello Jared.”

“Well-Well,” his voice drawled in the darkness, “If it isn’t the prodigal hero back from the battlefield.”

It had been twelve years and his voice had changed, it was deeper than the boy Jensen had known, ‘you’re my shining star baby’ Jensen shook his head to clear it. He never thought he would hear Jared speak in such a snide tone but he understood it, knew what lay behind it; he didn’t kid himself that he knew Jared anymore.

“I just wanted to see how you are.”

“What do you want Jensen?”

And that hurt more than Jensen could describe he hadn’t been Jensen to Jared since the 7th grade, it was always ‘Jen’ or ‘baby’, the only times Jared called him Jensen was when he was either hurt or angry. And the fact that he caused either of those emotions in Jared made Jensen’s guilt bubble inside him.

He had to sort this out between them, they had been almost best friends since high-school, an unusual friendship, Jensen a jock and Jared a geek but it worked between them and then their friendship progressed in to something else and caught them both unawares. When they finally got together nobody was surprised about their relationship except themselves.

“I wanted to tell you I was in town before you hear it from anyone else.”

“Too late,” and just when Jensen thought the door was about to be slammed in his face, Jared spoke again, “If that’s what you came to tell me, you can go now.”

‘No that’s not it at all, there’s more I have to say,’ “Jared…please…I need to talk to you,” Jensen’s eyes were now pleading.

Jared sighed and walked into the house, he didn’t invite Jensen but he didn’t slam the door on his face either. Jensen took a deep breath and went in, the house inside was freshly painted as well, certainly a lot different then before, Jensen could see Jared’s personality everywhere, so Jared lived here then.

Jared was in the kitchen, half his body hidden behind the refrigerator where he bent to get something, all Jensen could see the tanned hand wrapped around the chrome handle, the curve of his ass and his long legs, and just like that Jensen was hard as a rock.

He knew it was inappropriate, Jared hated his guts for gods sake and more likely to twist his cock off before letting Jensen near him again but ‘damn!’

He balled his hands into fists when Jared slowly turned around, everything seemed to slow as Jared rose to his full height, the guy was freaking tall, and Jensen took in the broad shoulders and the well-defined pectorals and strong arms and Jensen’s attention got momentarily stuck on the line of dark hair rising from his waistband of his Levi’s and circling around his navel. If he’d had any lingering doubts this had removed them completely, this was not the boy he’d once known. This was definitely a man.

Jensen forced himself to get his control back and made himself look into those green brown eyes he remembered and the back of his throat went dry.

Jared Padalecki had always been a good looking boy, but now he was lethal.

“Did you come here to stare?” those eyes that once looked at him with love and devotion now looked at him as if he couldn’t care less if Jensen went and jumped of a bridge.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m back in town,” keep your cool Jensen, keep your cool.

“What makes you think I give a shit?”

Ouch! ‘Breathe Jensen, Breathe,’ he told himself.

“I didn’t I mean, I just thought you should know,” it sounded lame even to his own ears.

“How thoughtful!” the sarcasm in Jared’s tone was shredding him, “Now that you’ve done your duty there’s the door,” Jared actually sneered.

“Don’t make this ugly,” Jensen knew they were heading to a direction neither of them wanted to go.

“You call this ugly,” Jared laughed but there was no humour there, “This is nothing Baby, you stick around and I’ll show you how ugly I can get.”

Jensen worked out for himself how ugly this could get, but he was stubborn bastard himself. Just like Jared isn’t the same boy he’d once known, Jensen wasn’t the same man Jared once knew either.

Jensen made his way to the front door without another word; he just had to catch Jared when he was in a better mood that’s all. This was Jared for god’s sake; Jared, who couldn’t go to an animal shelter without wanting to get a pet, who thought babies were the next best thing since rainbows and sunshine.

Just as he reached the porch, he felt an arm on his shoulder whipping him around, “I don’t know what you came here for, closure or forgiveness, but you won’t find it here,” the eyes that were cold before now were burning with rage, and then he dropped Jensen’s arm as if he couldn’t stand to touch Jensen anymore.

“I know Jared.”

“Good, and stay away from me Jensen or I’ll make your life a misery.”

Jensen looked up into Jared’s angry face, his jaw taut as if he was barely controlling his anger from beating the shit out of Jensen, eyes full of passion that had not abated in twelve years.

“Just stay away,” he said one last time before turning on his bare feet and back in to the house.

And as the door slammed behind Jensen’s back, he knew winning Jared’s forgiveness was going to be a freaking bitch.

Chapter 3:

 

Jared blew into the mug of hot coffee as he raised it to his lips and made his way to the raised stone on the corner of his back yard. The sun was yet to rise and the morning dew was just starting to cling to his flowers.

Jared took a deep breath and took a sip of his coffee; he hadn’t slept well the night before; his eyes felt puffy and his mind sluggish, he was just glad it was a Sunday. Jared shivered and sat the mug of coffee on his knee, before he’d seen Jensen last night his plan had been clear.

Avoid Jensen at all costs.

Not that they hang out at the same places or anything; Jared’s life was bound to routine, and the most exciting thing he ever does was planning school field trips. But the valley was still a relatively small place where everyone knew everyone’s business and Jensen was a celebrity, their paths were bound to collide.

Jared still couldn’t believe Jensen showed up on his front step like he had last night and act like nothings wrong. The bastard had the nerve to act like he just came to see an old friend, no big deal. He seemed to have forgotten the fact that he stomped on Jared’s heart and then fucked of for twelve years and now he came to tell Jared he was back.

What did the fucker think was going to happen; Jared will be so grateful to see the big famous football star he would fall into Jensen’s arms like a groupie and they can just pick up where they left off!

Jared let out an angry sigh; Jensen was messing with his head again. He wouldn’t have thought Jensen was capable of playing games if Jared didn’t witness Jensen’s cruel streak first hand.

 

“I do love you…it’s just not enough.”

“This is my dream Jay.”

“I’m only 18 Jared and I already feel suffocated by all this, by us, by…you.”

 

“Suffocated,” that word had tormented and taunted Jared for twelve years, that single word that shattered all his dreams, one word that haunted him in his nightmares.

His love had suffocated Jensen, made him feel trapped, and Jensen retaliated the only way he could, he left.

Jared sighed again and stood up, the sun just started to rise but he was in no mood to enjoy it. He made his way to the living room but couldn’t summon up enough energy to do anything and just slumped on the sofa.

He hated when his routine was disrupted, he hated feeling off kilter and Jensen Ackles had always thrown Jared a little off track.

 

Jared remembered the first day he had spoken Jensen; or actually when Jensen had spoken to him, he still remembered the shock he felt when Jensen Ackles walked up to him and said if he could sit next to Jared. The surprise of seeing Jensen at the library, who was actually talking to him; Jared Padalecki; geek extraordinaire, too tall and awkward, rendered him speechless and he didn’t even realise that he nodded. After five minutes of silence, when Jared was still reeling from the shock of what just transpired, Jensen introduced himself. Jared of-course knew exactly who Jensen was; everyone at Brookside High knew who Jensen was; the captain of the football team, star quarterback who was so good that he was rumoured to play pro.

When Jensen offered the hand of friendship, Jared honestly thought it was some sort of prank; that people were about jump up from behind the book shelves and laugh at Jared or catch him on candid camera or something.

So Jared was naturally apprehensive, but the warm fluttering in his stomach made him extend his hand and before they knew it, they were friends.

They were never best of friends; they were just too different for that, they had different opinions and values, let alone Jared was a junior whereas Jensen was a senior but that didn’t stop them from hanging out with each other. They had massive fights, but they made up spectacularly as well! Sometime Jared felt like Jensen knew him better than he knew himself. He was always there; he had always known exactly the right thing to say just to brighten up his day.

 

He memorized the day when he realised he might like Jensen more than just a friend. Her name was Natalie Ashworth, the head cheerleader, blue eyed, blonde haired, perky tits, very pretty the typical girls who became homecoming queens and she had her sight set on Jensen. It was pretty cliché really; the head cheerleader and the captain of the football team, falling madly and passionately in love.

Only Jensen was just interested in getting in to her panties and seemed to want to tell Jared every detail of it. At first Jared didn’t understand why he felt all angry and sick when Jensen told him how she let him feel her breast under her bra, and that she was Ok at giving blowjob, apparently she didn’t have gag-reflex.

At first Jared thought maybe it was because Jensen had someone and he didn’t, but after the disastrous attempt to kiss his long-time crush Sandy, it became quite clear to Jared that the sick feeling he had every time Jensen mentioned Natalie was jealousy, but he was too terrified of even admitting to himself exactly who he was jealous of.

It had all come to a pass on a hot summer’s day, Jared could still remember the heat of that day, it had been un-naturally warm, and Jensen had practice after school but Jared still waited for him. Even after his revelation last night he was still in a pretty good mood, summer vacations was about to begin and they had so many plans, they had a tick list they had to complete before school started again, it was pretty special because next year would be Jensen’s final year at school and he would be pretty busy with studying so they decided to spend the whole summer together. As he made his way to the locker room he was so happy he wished he could whistle, but his attempts were pathetic at best of times. Jensen always laughed at Jared’s frustrations over his inability to whistle and Jared felt his heart warm at the thought of Jensen and at prospect of spending whole summer with him.

Jared was still smiling when he opened the locker room door and what he saw made his feet froze in his tracks and his smile slid into a grimace.

There he was, Jensen making out with Natalie the whore as if there was no tomorrow, Jared could see Jensen’s hand was inside her shirt and Jared swore silently when he saw her hands were down Jensen’s uniform pants.

Jared was taken aback by his aggressive reaction, he wanted to rip that bitch off Jensen by her hair and the more they made out the angrier he got. Jared realised they were so lost in each other that they didn’t even hear the door open which for some reason made Jared even more furious. He left the locker room fuming letting the door slam behind him hoping it would be enough to stop them sucking face.

By the time Jensen found him, Jared was pretty worked up, as soon as Jensen asked him what’s wrong, it all came out, like a dam has been broken inside of him and he told Jensen exactly how he feels about Natalie the slut and what he felt when he saw them kissing together and what he feels for Jensen.

 

“I am in love with you Jensen,” he said his breathing harsh, head finally catching up with his mouth, what he just said and Jared was terrified.

 

Jensen hadn’t done anything Jared expected him to do, he didn’t laugh at Jared, he didn’t hit Jared, and he didn’t curse at him or walk away like Jared expected him to.

He had this weird smile on his face and he simply said, “You’re so cute when you’re mad baby,” and pulled Jared into an awkward kiss.

It had been awkward at first simply because Jared had completely frozen to the spot, and then Jensen’s lips brushed over his making him shudder.

Jensen looked him in the eyes, his light green eyes were now sparkling with desire and something else, something very close to what Jared himself was feeling and pulled in Jared’s lower lips into his mouth and sucked, that had been it for Jared. He honest to god whimpered and gave in completely, his heart, body and soul.

It wasn’t the best kiss Jared ever had, it hadn’t been nothing special, too sloppy, too awkward and since then they had shared many kisses and Jensen and Jared both refined their techniques as they learned new ways to tease one another, but it had been one of the most memorable kiss of Jared’s life simply because it had been his first kiss with Jensen…the love of his life.

A honk of a car passing by startled Jared out of his reverie; he shook his head angrily, what the hell was he doing? Why was he going over this stuff again!

Jared was honest enough to admit to himself, yes he had been angry when he saw Jensen but now he was just plain terrified.

It had been so good to see Jensen again, he didn’t even realise how much he had missed the other man, until he saw him again last night.

God, the man was gorgeous; he was still shorter than Jared, but more broad shouldered and that cute ass, god, Jared knew exactly what that ass felt like under his hands, and that cute bow-legged walk! Only Jared’s anger had stopped himself from reaching out just to touch Jensen, just to see if he was really there.

‘Argghh’ Jared screamed in his head; he couldn’t deal with Jensen again, he couldn’t let Jensen mess with his head again.

Yes Jensen had loved him at one point, but he also had left him when it suited him, heartbroken and alone. He threw away Jared’s love like it had been trash, and Jared had felt used…violated.

Mind made up Jared stood up, he wasn’t going to let Jensen ruin his life anymore; he wasn’t going to think about anything related to Jensen, the good times, or the bad times.

He was going to go about his life and if he saw Jensen on the way, he was going to treat Jensen the only way Jensen deserved…complete indifference.

He wasted too many emotions on Jensen Ackles already; he wasn’t going to waste anymore!

Chapter 4:

Jensen made his way up the familiar path down the park; seeing the children playing there made him smile. He had spent most of his childhood in the Valley Park, so many happy days, memories Jensen couldn’t forget, wouldn’t forget.

Children’s battle cry jolted Jensen out of his thoughts; turning around he found the source of the shirking; three boys that looked about nine or ten years old were playing battleship and seemed to have captured a prisoner.

Jensen felt himself smile almost involuntarily; in his nostalgic mood they reminded him of when he was that age playing battleship with his friends. Jensen speeded up his walk; he couldn’t wait to see his best friend again.

He followed his mother’s direction and found himself in the front steps of house number.44. The door was painted blood red and lots of weird little knick knacks were thrown about in the porch; there was a family of armadillo on one corner, and as he reached out knock Jensen noticed the knocker was a big snake that was eating its own tail! He would’ve freaked out if he wasn’t so amused by the front lawn; there was a bunch of pink flamingos strewn about the lawn and a nig rainbow flag sat in the middle.

He shook his head, he couldn’t believe that Tom Welling; the homecoming king, the town’s gentle hero, who refused to wear a pink t-shirt even on a dare because ‘it was a colour that made you really stand out’ now had a bunch of pink flamingos and a big rainbow flag on his front lawn; talk about out and proud.

Otherwise it looked like a typical valley house with its suburban vibes completed with the white picket fence.

He was still shaking his head in amusement when the door opened; “My-my look what the cat dragged in,” and a face he hadn’t seen in twelve years appeared out of the shadows.

Jensen stood back and appraised his old friend and felt the favour was being returned; he hadn’t seen Tom since he left, at first it was just too painful to think about what he had left behind and after a while when the pain became numb he just didn’t had the time.

So it was a shock to his system to see Tom after all this time, the boy has grown in to a handsome man; and still taller than Jensen, ‘why is everyone freaking taller than me’ he whined to himself.

“Hello Tommy,” was all he managed to say before he was pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

“Jenny, missed you man,” said Tom as he finally released Jensen.

“I missed you too,” and Jensen realised it was the honest truth; he missed Tom as much as he had missed his parents.

Tom and Jensen had been best friends since primary school, and they had been inseparable all through high school. Both of them being only child immediately adopted each other as brothers, making their friendship even stronger. Tom had been the only person who understood what football really meant to Jensen, and was the only person, who had supported him whole heartedly when Jensen decided to play for The Chicago Lions. When Jensen got scouted Tom was happier than Jensen himself at the prospect of Jensen playing pro.

Jensen followed Tom into the house taking in all the interior design; and what a design it was, if the outside of the house was weird, it was nothing compared to what was inside. It looked like someone had swallowed all the colours of the rainbow and then threw up on the walls. They walked through the bright purple hallway onto the living room, which was bright green, with a hot pink coloured sofa that actually hurt Jensen’s eyes if he directly looked at it.

The house was a complete contradiction to Tom’s personality, growing up while Jensen had been the quintessential bad boy, Tom had been a genuine town hero; he was nice, polite and helpful, raised money for charity, helped little old ladies to cross the street and save their kittens from trees while he was at it, everyone had always wondered how they got along so well. Still Jensen couldn’t believe Tom changed his personality so completely that his house would look like this.

“Did a bunch of five year old blind girls do your decorating or something?” Jensen was genuinely baffled as to how much bad taste a person could have.

Tom laughed, “It takes a while to get used to.”

“Get used to it? I think I would have a constant migraine if I lived here, seriously who did this?” Jensen really wanted to know.

“That would be my other half; Mike is a bit of an eclectic, but it kind of grows on you,” he smiled as if remembering a private joke.

“So does mould, but I don’t see that on your wall, I can’t…hang on…back track, did you say Mike, as in the bald guy who owns the bar?” Jensen knew he was being insensitive but wow.

“Yes that Mike, the same Mike who stood in front of the whole school and said that aliens were real and that area 51 was where aliens took you when the abducted you and run tests,” a range of emotions flicked through Tom’s eyes, amusement, pride, and finally love.

Jensen was speechless; he felt his mouth fall open; he remembered that day as clearly as yesterday, it had been hilarious.

Jensen remembered a tall, painfully skinny boy with a bald head wearing really baggy clothes (that was almost falling off his body!) telling everyone that he had been contacted by aliens, Jensen had laughed so hard his stomach ached and only stopped when Jared elbowed him in the stomach giving him a look that meant, ‘stop laughing now or you will become familiar with the phrase blue balls.’ Jensen had turned to his best friend for some support and realised while the rest of the school laughed their butts off Tom had a sad grimace on his face, the only other person not laughing at Mike, the other person being Jared of-course.

At the time he had just put it down to Tom being a nice guy who always liked the underdog but damn who would’ve thought!

Jensen shook his head, things certainly had changed in the last twelve years, Tom must have realised Jensen’s disgruntled thoughts because next thing he was inviting Jensen out for a drink at Mike’s, “Come out tonight Jensen, it would be fun to catch up, and you can meet everyone again, the whole gang will be there.”

Jensen agreed readily, it’s not like he had anything better to do; he might as well get away from his parents, they were only sharing icy silence these days. He said his goodbyes and almost made it home when he realised he never asked who was in this “whole gang.”

Jensen made his way down the stairs quietly in the evening; his mind was on the phone call he had received when he had got back from Tom’s house. The team manager, coach and the team owner wanted a meeting with him as soon as possible. They wanted to talk about ‘the future’ and Jensen steeled himself for the bad news.

He knew his playing days were over, he was turning thirty one soon, and even before the accident, he had been compensating, taking longer showers, getting massages once a day to work out the kinks and pain in his legs and back, while once he could run 500 metres without breaking a sweat, now he was lucky if he could do 100 metres. In a game where youth was everything, Jensen’s knew his days were coming to an end. But now with his kneecap busted he knew no team on their right mind would keep a quarterback who couldn’t even run 10 metres without buckling in pain, and he couldn’t blame them. But fuck it still hurt like a bitch that he would never play for any team ever again.

Jensen tried to clear his head; he should put football in the same compartment as Jared, stuff that he shouldn’t think about…oh god if only it worked like that.

His parents muffled voices turned his attention to the living room, from his vantage point at the stairs, he could see and hear both his parents clearly but they both had their backs to him so they didn’t see him. Jensen felt a little creepy spying on his parents, but he was just so happy that they were actually talking to each other and not in raised tones either that he couldn’t make himself interrupt. He was about to head back when his own name stopped him in the tracks.

“Our son is not happy,” his mother was saying.

“No he’s not,” his father agreed.

“I wish he would just talked to us, or someone,” she sighed.

“May-be he should talk to Jared,” his father offered as he turned around to face his mother, he was looking at her like he hadn’t seen her in years.

“Do you think that’s such a good idea?” she asked as she pulled her head up to look at Jeff.

“I don’t know but he’s a big boy and he can figure his own life out. No I want to talk about us,” Jeff said his face set in a grim line.

Jensen could see his mother’s shoulder tense; she immediately stood up, “What is there to talk about? What do you want Jeff?” her voice was defensive.

He walked and stood in front of her, “I want my wife back,” his tone firm.

Even Jensen was confused, what was his father talking about?

“What are you talking about?” she wasn’t defensive or tense anymore she just sounded plain confused.

“I want the girl that I married back; I want the girl that liked to put hand picked daisy in our dining room table, not expensive tulips ordered especially from designer florists. I want the girl that used to dance around the house loudly singling along to Madonna, not listen to Beethoven and opera, I want my Sam who used to cook me meatloaf not Bouillabaisse,” Jeff’s face was full of anguish.

And maybe it was a guy thing but Jensen understood what his father was saying but it seemed his mother hadn’t.

“What you’re saying you don’t like my cooking, or my taste in music?” she didn’t seem hurt but only bewildered.

“But that’s just it Sam, those are not who you are, my Sam doesn’t like classical music, and fancy food and fancy flowers, I want my Sam back,” his father was almost pleading and Jensen felt his eyes sting.

His mother seemed to have finally understood and now she just looked plain angry.

“Oh, well you’re going to have a long wait because that girl you’re talking about doesn’t exist anymore. You can’t have both Jeff; the girl from the wrong side of the track can’t marry the golden boy and still be the girl from the wrong side of the track. Remember you told me that,” she sounded so sad as if mourning her lost innocence that Jensen felt like his heart was breaking, he couldn’t even imagine what they were feeling.

“I was wrong Sam, I was so wrong to change, because this isn’t who you are, you’re meant to be free and wild, my gypsy girl, remember?” he was holding his hands together as if in a prayer.

“You killed your gypsy girl, when you told her ‘Grow up Samantha, you’re an embarrassment.’” Jensen couldn’t ever imagine his mother being an embarrassment to anyone; his mother’s social skills could rival the queen of England’s.

“I’m so sorry Sam, that was just me being stupid,” but she hadn’t finished.

“Oh you weren’t stupid, I can imagine your shame when everybody realised the golden boy, the only son of the Ackles; Jeffery Ackles who was going to be a big hot shot doctor had a shotgun wedding to marry a girl who was dirt poor and barely passed high school because he got her knocked up,” her voice full of scorn.

Jensen had to bite his lips from gasping out loud, he had always suspected it, but still suspecting it and hearing the truth from his own mother was something, his parent’s got married because of him. They were trapped in a marriage because of him; Jensen never hated himself as he did at that exact moment.

“Well you wanted a smart, sophisticated wife who didn’t embarrass you in front of your buddies, well you got one! Now you can’t just change your mind because you’re having some kind of mid-life crisis. Go buy a sports car like everyone else,” she walked off to the living room window and wrapped her arms around herself.

Jeff was standing there looking at his beautiful wife and for the first time realised how much he had hurt her over the years, she had changed herself to fit in with his society, his needs but he had never done the same, never even tried to understand her needs, her dreams.

“You know some time I wonder, if Jensen’s life would’ve been different if hadn’t inherited that same cruel streak you have, that selfish need to have what you want no matter what the price,” her voice was just above a whisper but Jensen felt it as loud as a slap.

“I know he is my son, and I love him so much, but that doesn’t make me blind to his faults. He broke Jared’s heart in million pieces just so he can have his dream, but what about Jared’s dream, did our son ever think of that?” it was like she was asking herself, did she fail as a mother, fail to teach him humility and how to love and give without just taking.

Jensen couldn’t stand there and listen anymore and made his way back up the stairs almost lifelessly, he felt a little bit of himself die inside.

After the accident Jensen thought coming back to Brookside Valley while he sorted his head out had been a good idea, at least he would be surrounded by his family and friends, and not anything related to football.

But now that he was here he thought maybe that hadn’t been such a good idea after all; everywhere he went, he was surrounded by memories, happy good memories he had, now getting tainted by the grimness of reality.

Jensen was staying in his old bedroom and now looking around the room, walls still adorned with his high-school trophies and photographs and he felt an anger inside him boil. He wasn’t angry at his mother who had questioned his very existence; his worth, no he was angry at himself because for the first time he realised why Jared was so angry with him, he realised just how much truth in what his mother had just said, he was selfish he had expected Jared to just fall in line with his plans and accept his dreams not caring whether he broke Jared’s dream in the process. When did their relationship become all about him; he was worse than a bastard, he was a cruel, selfish bastard, and he didn’t deserve Jared’s forgiveness, but he needed Jared’s forgiveness and he was willing to do anything to get it.

His mind made up Jensen made his way to Mike’s; he was going to make his amends, he was going to get Jared’s forgiveness and maybe his parents and to an extent his friends that he had ignored all these years, and then he was going to go somewhere far away where they had never heard of fucking football.

Chapter 5:

Jared looked around the bar; he hadn’t seen Jensen since that night Jensen had come to his house. And as the week went on Jared had felt like an idiot, always looking over his shoulder because he really didn’t know how he could cope with seeing Jensen again without either beating the shit out of him or kissing the life out of him, neither of which were sensible options.

However, as the week passed by uneventfully without a peep from Jensen; Jared couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed; it seemed that Jensen could stay away from him just fine.

He knew he was being unreasonable about it; he was the one who told Jensen to stay away from him in the first place but he couldn’t help but wonder why Jensen gave up so easily; if it’s one thing he knew about Jensen it was his single minded persistency when he wanted something.

Or maybe he didn’t want Jared anymore; maybe it really had been just a friendly visit that didn’t make a bleep in Jensen’s radar.

Jared groaned to himself, what was he doing? What happened to no thinking about Jensen, the vow he made to himself, no wasting his time and emotions on Jensen?

“Come on Jay, you’ve got to see this, Mark is telling Suzanne how much he hates her new car,” Sophia didn’t give him any time to answer but dragged him to the corner table they were all sharing.

He looked around the table, Mark and Suzanne was both sitting facing the door, while Jared and Sophia was sitting with their back to the door, Tom and Mike were lounging against the back upholstery looking all relaxed and cosy.

Jared always got a bit of a jolt when he saw those two together, even after 5 years, the last 3 of, which they were husbands instead of just boyfriends. He still couldn’t believe it sometime that Tom and Mike made it to a relationship, let alone a successful and happy one.

Jared had always been friends with Mike; the guy was weird yeah, but he was also a good person and a great friend.

After Jensen had left, Mike had been the one who helped him get through it, when Jared thought he might never smile again; Mike had been the one who made him laugh. And afterwards when thinking about Jensen didn’t make him feel like he was dying inside; Mike was the only person to whom he could actually mention the name Jensen without being looked at with pity and righteous anger, which was pretty much everybody, including no especially Sophia.

Jared knew Tom through Jensen; those two had been inseparable from primary school all through to high school, best friends and brothers. But after Jensen left Jared had lost touch with Tom, well not really lost touch because he saw Tom around town but he couldn’t speak to Tom without being reminded of Jensen, so they had both done the respected thing and crossed the road whenever their paths crossed.

They hadn’t spoken until five years ago, when Mike brought Tom to a house party where they had gotten reacquainted, Tom had understood why Jared had avoided him all those years and didn’t hold it against him and the rest as they say were history.

Jared took a sip of his beer and listened to Mark and Suzanne bicker with half an ear, they had been pulling pigtails since they had met each other and everybody was used to it by now. Sophia was listening to their fight with eager anticipation, her enjoyment plain from the look of joy on her face, a joy that she only reserved for ice-cream, and maybe other carnal things that Jared really didn’t want to think about.

He shook his head and smiled, this was his life and he enjoyed it immensely, teaching the kids, spending time with his idiotic yet totally loveable friends, he didn’t need Jensen to make his life complete; or anybody really.

‘Yeah you keep telling yourself that sweetheart and maybe you’ll actually believe it one day’ his inner voice was very active these days.

“Shut up,” he grumbled to himself.

‘You do know you’re telling yourself to shut up, right. And while we’re at it what an intelligent comeback,’ his inner voice all but cooed.

As he was grousing to himself, a muffled giggle caught his attention, he focused his attention back to his friends, Mark and Suzanne were still at it; this time Suzanne was unleashing all her repressed lust and converting it to anger and boy was she laying it on him; poor Mark looks ready to cry or hit something, preferably Suzanne. Sophia was sipping her third martini and looked like she was enjoying the fight as much as she enjoyed good sex, which knowing Sophia was probably true.

Jared turned to the other couple, who for all intense and purposes probably don’t have a clue what was going on around them. They were sitting so close together they were almost on each other’s lap, Tom’s one hand was around Mike’s waist and the other had disappeared under the table, Jared didn’t want to know what he was doing under the table but it was probably something naughty because Mike keeps squirming in his seat. Tom leaned in to whisper something in Mike’s ear, which made Mike’s pale skin flush violently red and he was biting his lips like he was stopping himself from moaning out loud.

Jared had to look away feeling like he was intruding on something private, they were always like this when they were together, two adult men going completely gaga over each other. Jared couldn’t even get disgusted by it because in truth he just felt jealous when he saw them together; in reality he wanted the same thing they had.

He had thought he had it when he was sixteen but probably the whole valley knew what happened there. But he still couldn’t help but wonder, would’ve Jensen and him been like this, would they still been together, still so in love they once had been.

Jared sighed apparently by not thinking about Jensen at all for the last decade hadn’t meant he had forgotten Jensen, it just meant all the emotions that he bottled up now erupted like a volcano after seeing Jensen again.

“Oh My God!” the sudden scream came from Suzanne, and everybody at the table turned to look at her but she wasn’t looking at any of them, she was looking at the doorway, disbelief, shock and awe written clear on her face.

It was comical how all of them turned to see who was the paragon that actually could make Suzanne speechless, they definitely needed to keep that person around.

Jared’s heart stuck in his throat when he saw Jensen standing in the doorway in faded jeans and a green t-shirt looking like he just walked of a fashion shoot, scanning the bar.

Jared could feel Sophia and Mike tense making him turn around to face them; Sophia looked ready to kill Jensen, while Mike just had an apprehensive look on his face, Mark just looked plain irritated although Jared suspected it had more to do with the awed look on Suzanne’s face rather than Jensen himself, the only person who looked remotely happy to see Jensen apart from Suzanne was Tom.

Tom whispered something in Mike’s ear and stood up; Mike gave a weak smile in return as Tom made his way to Jensen.

“What the fuck does he think he’s doing here?” Sophia’s voice was dripping with anger.

Jared couldn’t explain why he felt a jolt of anger towards Sophia; he always had that reaction when anybody badmouthed Jensen, but then again Jared had always been a screw up when it came to Jensen.

He was about to reply when Suzanne said, “Hang on you guys know him? Are you telling me you guys actually know Jensen Ackles?” She wasn’t a native so she had no idea that yes they knew Jensen, they knew him quite well except for Mark who had been three years ahead of Jensen and never really had any interaction with him.

“Oh my god, he’s coming this way, quickly how do I look?” she started patting her hair down, Jared could see her hands were shaking and for some reason he felt an annoyance towards her, she was ogling him like he was some kind of meat. Sometime Jared forgot about Jensen’s star status.

Even though the rest of the group was scowling, albeit for different reasons Jared couldn’t help but smile, he really couldn’t fathom as to why he wasn’t feeling angry. He shook his head and saw the apprehensiveness on both Tom and Jensen’s face, as if they were both coming to their execution and by the matching expression on Mike and Sophia’s face Jared thought it was probably wise.

He wordlessly scooted in between Sophia and Mike so Jensen would have his seat next to Suzanne and Tom; he figured Jensen would be safe next to those two, although why he wanted Jensen safe he had no freaking idea.

As soon as Jensen sat down Suzanne pounced, “It’s such an honour to meet you Jensen, and I can call you Jensen right? You were amazing on the championship final, you single handed whooped those Giant’s butts,” she rattled off breathlessly.

Jared could see how uncomfortable Jensen was; apparently he still hadn’t learnt how to be around his fans, and when Jensen rubbed his hand at the back of his neck in the same nervous gesture he used to Jared felt a twist in his heart, he had to pick up his drink just to occupy his hands.

“I was real sorry to hear about you’re accident, it looked real painful on TV. I think it was Kane’s fault, if he hadn’t fumbled that pass…”

“Please don’t,” Jensen interrupted her before she could continue, “Please don’t blame Chris, it wasn’t his fault or anybody else’s fault really, it was just an unfortunate accident,” his tone was hard and edgy.

She seemed to get the hint and dropped the subject but started gushing about his entire touchdown stats and scores, which she seemed to have memorised in her brain. The more she went on the more uncomfortable Jensen seemed to get, and in a perverse way Jared was enjoying Jensen’s discomfort and so it seemed everyone else except for Tom who was nodding along with her.

“I heard rumours how you’re team isn’t going to sign you again because of your injury, is that true?” she seemed to have hit something because Jensen didn’t look shy anymore he just looked ready to hit something. Jared wanted to scream at Suzanne, ‘Are you a fucking journalist or something? Why are asking these dumb questions? Can’t you see you’re hurting him?’ and ‘why the fuck do I care?’ he scolded himself.

Since Jensen left Jared hadn’t seen a singular football game, so he didn’t know anything about Jensen’s career, he once heard Jensen had led his team to Superbowl victory and that was about it. He hadn’t known anything about the accident except what Jeff told him the other night, and that wasn’t even much because he really wasn’t paying much attention. But he hadn’t realised the injury was so serious that Jensen’s career was over. Jared waited for the happiness and the satisfaction to fill him, but it didn’t come, all he felt was overwhelming sadness grip his heart, football was everything to Jensen, he had to be feeling lost and suddenly Jared really wanted to know how Jensen was coping.

“I busted my kneecap beyond repair, which is pretty much it for a football player. I had a pretty good run, won Superbowl two times, NFC championship three times, I think it was time to retire anyway,” Jensen replied with a self-deprecating laugh, but Jared could see how much it hurt Jensen to speak about it.

“Well, isn’t this cosy,” Jensen stiffened at the voice and Jared looked up to see a blonde stranger, he was as tall as Jensen and had a fixed smirk on his face.

“What the hell are you doing here Murry?” and from the squeal that came from Suzanne obviously she knew who this Murry was.

“I’m on vacation Ackles,” he smirked as if he had no idea why Jensen was being was so hostile.

“Here? You couldn’t find anywhere else, your ugly mug gonna follow me everywhere?” Jensen was bristling and Jared could see his hands balled into fists.

“Aw, are you saying you don’t like me? Well I guess the feelings mutual and it’s a free country I can go where I like,” Murry said as he crossed his arms across his chest.

Jensen took a step back and Jared could see from the tense shoulder he was barely holding himself from punching the daylights out of the kid; well he seemed like a kid anyway.

“Shouldn’t you be all tucked up in bed old man?” Murry drawled.

“Ooh it’s already 10 o’clock Murry you should make you’re way home, tomorrow is a school day after all,” Jensen quipped his green eyes flashing dangerously and Murry had seemed to get the message as he walked out of the bar with a wide smirk on his face.

Jensen barely sat down when Suzanne let out a small squeal, “That was Chad Michael Murry right? I heard he’s going to be the new quarterback for the Chicago Lions.”

Oh so that explains Jensen’s anger.

Jared could see the dejected hump of Jensen’s shoulder and he couldn’t stand it anymore, “Jensen could I speak to you for a moment…privately,” everybody looked at him in startling surprise, and Jensen’s expression hovered between curiosity and dread but he nodded anyway. He moved to stand up and Sophia gripped his hand in warning as if saying, ‘don’t do anything stupid.’ Jared gave her a look that hopefully conveys, ‘I so wouldn’t do anything stupid when it comes to Jensen,’ he just wished he himself believed that.

They made their way out off the bar and into the side alley; it wasn’t that dark but not too well lit either and provided a perfect private nook that was a very popular make out spot. Jared didn’t know why he had brought here but it was too late now, Jensen seemed to be very interested in his shoes and looked everywhere but at Jared.

“Why are you here Jensen?” he had to know.

“Well Tommy invited me,” finally Jensen looked up at him.

“No, not here at the bar, I mean here at the Valley, you could’ve gone anywhere,” god Jared had forgotten just how beautiful those green eyes were.

“I wanted to come back home, and I wanted to make amends,” and Jared wanted to scream at him.

“Well it’s too little too fucking late.”

“We could be friends again, we were great friends once before everything,” Jensen’s gaze dropped to his chest.

“Before all that sex?”

He wasn’t sure but he thought Jensen blushed a little, “Yes.”

He didn’t know why that pissed him off because he said “Do you want to start things up again? Continue where you left off?”

Jensen looked away, “No.”

“Come on Jensen, you don’t want to have just a little fun on the backseat of the car,” Jensen looked at him like he had been slapped, “just for old time’s sake,” he twisted the knife in a little more.

“Don’t Jared,” Jensen’s eyes burned with a barely suppressed rage, “Don’t cheapen what we had just because you’re angry,” he raised his hand between them and pressed it to Jared’s lips.

The sudden touch caught Jared off guard, he could smell a hint of cologne but underneath it was all Jensen, a smell that hadn’t changed in twelve years.

They stared at each other for several heartbeats, and almost simultaneously Jensen let his hand drop as Jared took a step back.

“What do you really want Jensen,” there had to be more.

“To make amends, for you to forgive me, for us to be friends again,” Jensen’s eyes were pleading, god he could never resist those fucking gorgeous eyes.

“Never going to happen Jensen,” Jared steeled himself and turned around to go back.

“Why? Why can’t you forgive me?” and Jared wondered yes, it had been twelve years why was he still so pissed? Why couldn’t he just forgive and forget?

“Because it hurts too fucking much,” he replied and stalked off leaving Jensen behind.

Chapter 6:

“Because it hurts too fucking much.”

That sentence went round and round in Jensen’s head as he finally stumbled in to the house. The house itself was dark, no indication if his parents were in or not but Jensen was too tired and confused to even care.

As he slowly made his way up the stairs, Jensen got the feeling like he was trying to swim in an upstream and drowning. He had really hurt Jared he knew that, he had known that on that fateful rainy day in March but at that time he didn’t care, because then it was his chance to make his dream come true.

Sleep didn’t come easy to Jensen; thoughts of Jared swirling in his head. He didn’t know how to make Jared forgive him; or if Jared ever would or even if he could, if it was Jensen, he certainly didn’t think he could. But this was Jared; who had the biggest heart, and an immense capacity to love than anyone Jensen knew. Jared would forgive him if he could see Jensen was really sincere in his apology. But Jensen could clearly tell Jared was angry and an angry Jared was certainly not a forgiving Jared. Without a solution to any of his thoughts he finally fell into a restless sleep.

With a start Jensen woke up, he opened his eyes to his old bedroom ceiling, ‘where the hell am I?’ was his first thought and then it all came rushing back, the accident, coming back to the valley, Jared.

Jensen groaned and closed his eyes again, in daytime he might’ve stopped thinking about the accident but at nighttimes when he was sleeping; he had no escape, no defence. He relieved the accident over and over again in his nightmares since it happened, and he probably should talk to someone, but the thought of talking to someone, some stranger about his ‘feelings’ was just too laughable.

Jensen sighed and looked at the radio clock on his bedside; the red numbers were glaring 3:39 and Jensen wondered what Jared was doing right now. Was he asleep his dreams undisturbed? Or was he awake like Jensen thinking about what used to be?

Jensen thumped his head on the pillow, his head felt like it was about to explode, these days all his thoughts were either about the accident or Jared; and how he had messed up the two most important things in his life.

Then again ever since Jensen could remember all his thoughts were occupied by either football or Jared. He got up from the bed, there was no way he would fall back asleep again, and he sat on the rocking chair his mother refused to move from his room, it was positioned just in front of the big window, perfect for watching the sunrise or the sunset, or a moonlit sky like now. Growing up he had protested a lot about having a rocking chair on his bedroom but his mother was relentless, and once Jared saw it Jensen had been mortified. But Jared had loved it, whenever he came around, which was a lot, he would make a beeline for the rocking chair, at first Jensen had found it amusing and then it progressed into endearing which then turned into something else entirely.

 

Jensen remembered the day as if it were yesterday; the August sun beating on their backs and they both had just came back from the park, where they had been goofing around with a Frisbee, exhausted and sweaty.

Jensen still remembered the feeling like a thousand butterfly was dancing in his stomach whenever he looked at Jared, his best friend, no his boyfriend.

They had been going out for nearly a month or so and Jensen never remembered being as happy as he was when he was with Jared, not even playing football.

Jared had gone straight to Jensen’s bedroom, and Jensen had gone to the kitchen for some snacks and drinks, his parents weren’t home, which means they were pretty much alone in the house.

Jensen felt a thrill at the thought of being completely alone with Jared, they haven’t done anything but kissed since they had gotten together, and at it was tough for Jensen who at 17 got hard if the wind blew in the right direction. Although it wasn’t that Jared hadn’t offered but Jared was only 15 and Jensen felt Jared should be at least 16 before they take their relationship to anything physical. That didn’t mean he was dead, Jared was hot, even if Jared didn’t see himself as hot, and their make out sessions usually got pretty heavy leaving them both hard and panting; but they had both decided to wait till Jared was 16, actually Jensen had decided and Jared had grudgingly agreed.

Jensen was still smiling as he run up the stairs with the snacks in his hand, which he dropped as soon as he walked through his door.

 

There was Jared…on Jensen’s rocking chair…naked, all stretched out and long limbed, his long hair still wet from the shower he obviously just had, water droplets still clinging to his eyelashes.

Jared’s eyes were closed, his face all flushed, his lips parted, one of his hands were rolling and pinching one of his nipples while the other was languidly stroking his cock, which was magnificent, all leaking and pink…and so fucking pretty; Jensen was so hard so fast it actually hurt.

“What…what are you doing?” he croaked out somehow, when did his throat get so dry?

Jared opened his cats like eyes lazily as if he jerked off on his boyfriend’s rocking chair everyday, like it was no big deal.

“Well you aren’t going to touch me, I had to do something,” the cheeky flirt was smirking like he knew exactly what he was doing to Jensen.

Jensen didn’t even know where he got the willpower to stay where he was, and not just falling to his knees even though his libido was screaming at him, ‘Just a touch, please just a touch, just reach out,” Jensen helplessly closed his eyes.

“Come on Jen, don’t you want me? Don’t you want just a little touch,” when did Jared get so fucking seductive, god it was the books, it had to be all those books he read, ok that’s it no more fucking reading for Jared.

“I’ll be sixteen in just a month Jen, that’s like nothing, please touch me,” god he could hear the pout, oh Jared you are in so much trouble when I’m coherent again, he thought.

Jensen opened his eyes and nearly shot into his shorts; Jared was staring directly at him, his eyes full of desire, his whole body was so flushed, it looked like he was blushing from head to toe, he was still stroking his cock too slowly for Jensen’s liking, his pretty cock was now an angry red and Jensen couldn’t help but stare.

“Look Jen, do you think it’s pretty?” Jared tilted his hips upward and indicated to his cock in the same way someone presents someone with flowers, it was obscene, and so fucking hot Jensen had to bite his lips from moaning out loud.

“Fucking beautiful,” was all he could say his voice low and gravely and laced with something that seemed to have sparred Jared on, his hands were now furious, the jerking motion almost violent, and for a minute Jensen had a funny thought like, carpel tunnel but that thought pretty much went out of the window with the “Please Jensen,” Jared had whimpered.

That had been it for the both of them, Jared was so fucking beautiful that Jensen came into his shorts without even touching his cock, the visual of Jared arching onto his rocking chair and coming in long strokes had been it for Jensen.

 

A shuddering orgasm caught Jensen out of his daydream; it was so sudden Jensen had to quickly bite his arm to muffle his shouts as he came. As his shakings subsided he felt disgusted with himself, he felt like he violated something scared, like cheapened all the emotions into something just physical.

Thoroughly angry with himself he made his way into the bathroom, god he couldn’t get anything right, not even the proper respect for a memory.

As he washed himself he remembered how Jared had been afterwards, all shy and awkward. He had locked himself in the bathroom for half an hour and refused to come out until Jensen threatened that he would tell everyone how Jared thought Star Trek was totally cool. Jared had come out of the bathroom, fully dressed, bright red in the face and didn’t look at Jensen in the whole time he apologised. Oh he had apologised and profusely saying he didn’t know what came over him really, it was so cute and adorable that Jensen just pulled him into a kiss and they had spent rest of the afternoon just making out.

 

‘Those were such happy days’, thought Jensen, where did it all go wrong?

 

They had been dating for nearly ten months and they were so happy, yes they had fights but the making up had been all part of the fun and it was his last year in high school, Jensen had felt invincible.

His life was good, he had a wonderful boyfriend who loved him, who he loved, and his plans for after school was going great, he had a football scholarship to Columbia and there were rumours there had been scouts on their championship final, which they won and wiped the floor with other team’s butts.

He snickered at the thought as he knocked on his coach’s office, the coach had wanted to see Jensen but he was more pre-occupied with seeing Jared at lunchtime, maybe he could talk his boyfriend into skipping class (which Jared totally didn’t agree with!) and going behind the bleachers for a make out session.

That afternoon it had suddenly started raining but Jensen couldn’t care less, he was sitting on the football field getting soaked to his skin, his world turned upside down.

Jared had found him sitting like that hours afterwards.

“Jensen what are you doing out here in this rain?”

“Coach wanted to talk to me, there were some scouts at the game, they want me,” he answered in a monotone, it still hadn’t caught up with him.

“Wow, that’s great Jen,” Jared pulled him into a hug and Jensen breathed in the smell, that Jared smell, it was like vanilla and spice with a hint of baby powder, both innocent and daring. It always calmed Jensen down, like he was home, that feeling he only got whenever he was around Jared, in Jared.

Jared started babbling excitedly about how they’ll see each other on holidays and how every weekend he’ll visit Jensen in Columbia and after two years Jared will be joining him anyway, and how they were going to be so happy, together forever.

Jensen stiffened in Jared’s arms, “what are you talking about?”

Jared pulled back and looked at him like he was crazy, “Us and how we’re going to manage for the next two years, I have it all planned out so don’t worry,” he was grinning so much it had to hurt.

Jensen stood up so fast he felt a little dizzy but he didn’t care; Jared looked up at him with his eyes full of confusion.

“Don’t you get it Jay; there is no us anymore, we have to break up,” Jensen felt like he underwater, where it fucking hurt to breathe. He should be happy this was his dream come true, then why did it feel like his heart had just been ripped out from his chest.

“What? Of course we don’t have to break up; other people have long distance relationship all the time,” Jared shook his head as if he this was a dream and he could wake himself up.

“Jay, I am not going to Columbia, I’m going to Chicago, the Wildcats want me, the Northwestern Wildcats and i have to go to class, play, practice everyday and they have training camp every summer. On top of that Journalism is a tough course and i have to maintain my grade as well as my performance level or they'll kick me out! It’s going to be busy Jay.” Jensen didn’t know what else to say.

“So you’re saying you’re going to be too busy for me,” Jared asked, holding his back straight as if otherwise he would fall to his knees.

“Jay we’re kids, I’m only 18, you’re only 16, we have our whole lives ahead of us and you have planned our whole lives together, probably even our wedding,” he trailed off.

“So you were never serious about us, this was just some fling to you?” Jared whispered, his eyes were begging Jensen to deny it.

“Jared I can either have you or football, don’t make me choose because you won’t win.” Jared had stepped back like Jensen had physically slapped him and Jensen had felt like a heel, Jared had never came between his dream; he had always encouraged it even, Jensen often joked Jared was his head cheerleader.

After that what Jensen couldn’t even remember what he said, but he remembered saying, “This is my dream jay” over and over again, and all Jared crying in reply, “Please don’t leave me Jen, I love you baby, please don’t leave me,” the tears were flowing from both of their eyes and it was getting dark but they really didn’t care.

Jensen really had thought at the time they were too young to be so committed to each other, Jared deserved better than him, deserved more than what Jensen could give at that moment in time. So he had said the one thing he knew was guaranteed to make Jared hate him, he said Jared had suffocated him, that he felt trapped by Jared; and that had been it.

Jared had nodded with a dignity that made Jensen feel so proud and he had walked off thinking so this is how heartbreak feels like.

The muffled conversation downstairs jolted Jensen out of his daze, the sun had come up long ago and his eyes were now burning from lack of sleep and too many tears, dried tear tracks were making his skin itch and Jensen knew he was going to have a mother of a headache later but he couldn’t be bothered to get up. Feeling like every emotion had been wringed out of him and all he felt now was numb, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what Jared had felt after he had left, at least Jensen had football, he had left Jared with nothing.

Chapter 8:

Jensen took a deep breath and inhaled the strong aroma of coffee filling the air, oh how he loved it, he took a sip of his coffee and sighed.

The smell of coffee always reminded him of Jared, who was one of those strange people who couldn’t stand the taste of coffee but loved the smell and would always snatch Jensen’s coffee from his hand just to smell it and then return it after he had been satisfied. Jensen wondered if Jared still didn’t like coffee or changed his habit, although Jensen wagered Jared probably did, there wasn’t a single college student who could live through end of term essays, and midterm exams, and staying up till the dawn to finish long-ass dissertations without coffee, Jensen should know he was one of those students.

He wondered what kind of college student Jared was; probably even geekier than he had been high school, Jensen mused. He had missed so much just because he was a coward, but it was too late to cry over spilt milk.

Now he just sincerely hoped that Jared would be as agreeable as he had been at the wedding, but Jensen didn’t dare hope that he’ll be forgiven so easily even if Jared was willing to listen his explanations.

Jensen hadn’t wanted to go to the wedding at first but Mat had cornered him, Mat was his only college friend who wasn’t a footballer or any type of athlete. They had met freshmen year in journalism classes and had bonded over their mutual dislike of Professor Cunningham; whose teaching style solely focused on power point presentations over how anyone who wasn’t a war, criminal, or investigative correspondent had no right to call themselves a proper journalist. Suffice to say his classes weren’t very popular and then they found out they were from neighbouring town and they had been good friend since then.

He hadn’t been prepared to find Jared at the wedding but seeing him had felt like a breath of fresh air after being trapped in a closed room for days. Jared had looked so handsome, so fucking beautiful that Jensen had to seat next to him just to keep away anyone else from even approaching the gorgeous man.

He knew he was being irrational but he really didn’t care, he had expected Jared to tell him to get lost, what he hadn’t expected was Jared to be so infuriatingly polite to him and then dance with him. Oh the dance he still shivered whenever he thought about it. It had been so nice, slow and so sexy that Jensen still had his head up in the clouds hours afterwards. Last night for the first time in a long time he didn’t had a nightmare, he felt like he was floating in his dream just dancing, dancing with Jared.

Jensen drained the rest of his cold coffee down the sink; he had forgotten just how wonderful Jared had felt in his arms, how right. He shook his head and washed his mug, Jared had told him to go over at his house after five and Jensen was looking forward to it. Maybe he won’t ever have Jared in his arms again but at least he could ask for forgiveness, maybe then they could even try to be friends again.

But before that he had to do go see someone else.

He made his way down the hallway, the house was quite again, his father had probably left for morning surgery and his mother was probably at her cooking class. Things between his parents had been strained since he’d overheard the fight between them. They weren’t speaking to each other at all and Jensen feared the worst.

He made his way down the street; it was a nice day for walking and a little bit of exercise would be good for his knees anyway. He thought maybe it would be best if his parents got a divorce. They were reaching at a point where they were starting to resent each other and it would certainly be best for both of them if they backed off before they started hating each other and completely ruin their relationship. Jensen should know he was an expert at ruining relationships.

Jensen stopped at the front of small white building tucked away in a corner almost inconspicuous, the home of The Valley Journal or the VJ as it was known to everybody in the valley.

He stepped inside the building and walked down a small empty hallway, there were hundreds of posters and flyers all over the walls and it led him to a white glass door. Jensen pushed the door open and walked in, immediately he was hit by a hubbub of noise, he saw five work stations with computers, desk filled with stacks of papers and post it notes, ‘probably desk for reporters’, he thought.

Couple of people were scurrying about and nobody paid him attention. Tomorrow’s issue was probably going in print in couple of hours and everybody was busy with their own jobs to notice him.

“I swear to fucking god Davidson if I don’t have the revised version of this piece of shit you call an article on my desk in an hour, you better start packing up your stuff,” the shout was followed by slamming the door and everybody jumped a little and then went back to working as if it was normal but they still hadn’t get used to it yet.

He made his way to the door that just slammed and a guy was standing there looking like he’d just been told his mother just died, Jensen guessed that was probably Davidson.

He nodded at the guy in greeting who practically run out of the newsroom nearly in tears without any acknowledgement of anyone or anything.

Jensen wondered what got his friend’s goat if he was dissolving grown man into tears and raised his fist to knock when the gold nameplate caught his eye;

Michael Weatherly

Editor in chief.

Jensen smiled at the nameplate, it sounded like Michael was one of those brilliant but hated by everybody type boss.

The door practically flew off its hinges, and a voice snarled, “What the fuck is it?”

“Hey Michael,” he said, god the guy looked terrible, like he hadn’t slept in days his stubble was almost a beard and his eyes were tired and weary behind his glasses.

“Jensen?” Michael’s eyes blinked rapidly as if he couldn’t believe what was in front of him.

“Yup, that’s me,” he said just before he was pulled into a hug and then instantly released.

Michael motioned him to get inside and then closed the door behind him, Jensen looked around the office, it was small, chaotic and Jensen loved it.

“Fuck a Duck. What are you doing here?” Michael asked and Jensen smiled, Michael was always either coming up with weird and wonderful phrases or using phrases nobody ever heard off or used anymore.

Jensen took a seat and said, “You don’t look so good Michael,” ignoring Michael’s question the guy looked like he really needed a bath and a bed.

“My features editor just quit thinks she can get published in New York Times and my sports editor is too much of a pussy to write the truth and just wants to write neat little score cards. The fucking idiots the lot of them,” Michael shook his head looking disgusted.

“Oh and it has nothing to do with say a bear of a boss?” Jensen smirked.

“Ok I admit, I’m not the greatest of bosses to work with,” he ignored Jensen’s snort and continued “but you have to admit I’m only on someone’s ass when I know they can do better.”

Jensen had to admit Michael was right there, yes he was a terrible boss to work for but the guy was fair. He always told it like it was, which made him a fucking great reporter but made him a terrible editor. He expected everybody to give their 100% like him but offered no encouragement.

Michael had been the new sports editor for the Valley Journal the year Jensen had went pro. Michael had asked him for an interview and they had been great friends since then, Michael was the one who had inspired him to study journalism at college and he had been the only person Jensen had kept in contact with frequently since he left. It helped him a lot because Michael didn’t know Jared that well and whenever they met up, usually to see a game they debated on many things, who was going to win Superbowl, who was the greatest QB that had ever played, nothing related to Jared or the valley as it would had been if he was talking to Tom.

“Jensen how’s your knee?” Michael asked with a no nonsense tone.

“It has seen better days,” Jensen drawled.

Michael just gave him a look that said, ‘you better tell me all now.’

“Look it’s simple, they had to do a small surgery and afterwards I had excellent physiotherapy, the countries best.” Jensen shifted uncomfortably he didn’t like talking about the accident. “I have to do stretching exercises and shit like that everyday and I’m supposed to rest and compress and elevate the knee if I get a twinge of pain from overuse, not that I get much pain from overuse these days,” Jensen finished his voice tinged with a little bitterness.

“What about your pain meds? Do you limp? I heard the muscles around you knee could act up?” Michael was in full reporter mode.

Jensen laughed a little, “God you have done you’re research, of course I take pain meds and no I’m not giving you the names and no I don’t fucking limp,” he answered feeling a little angry that people started thinking he was a freaking cripple just because of a small injury. He had worked very hard at physiotherapy for not to limp, 10 months of gruelling pain and sweat and Jensen could walk normally anyway, yes he couldn’t run or jump or play football but he could fucking walk without any assistance.

He knew if he was ten years younger this injury would have been nothing, he would’ve been back on the field after some physiotherapy, but it had been a whole different game-plan now that Jensen was hitting thirty. And that hurt more than any life threatening injury. He guessed having been a sports reporter Michael would know that but his friend had been genuinely distressed for him.

“My thigh muscles does act up once in a while and then I just call my masseur although she prefers to be called a massage therapist, and she’s really very good,” Jensen thought maybe he should look in to finding a new masseur, as much as Shelly love him, he didn’t think she’d be willing to fly out from Chicago to Brookside Valley just to give him a massage.

“Jensen you haven’t moved on from it, yes you accepted the accident but you haven’t started to pick up the pieces since then. You have almost recovered physically yes but not emotionally,” Michael said his eyes intense.

“Oh don’t give me that emotional crap!” Jensen scoffed, but what about the nightmares every night.

“Jen you have to move on,” Michael said tentatively.

“Move on? How do I fucking move on Michael? I have given up everything for football, everything, I gave up Jared, the love of my life. Do you get that? I loved him with everything I was and I haven’t felt like that since then about anybody but he hates me. He hates me and I don’t blame him because I hate myself for what I did to him, I hurt him. I hurt him so much Michael so much. But I did it because I wanted to play fucking football,” Jensen was shouting and crying at the same time but he really didn’t care.

“Jensen calm down,” Michael’s voice was sharp and Jensen bet a 100 bucks that everything he had just said will probably hit the gossip mill in 0.6 seconds, he really shouldn’t shout when so many reporters were within hearing distance.

“Even after all these, I still want to play football and I don’t give a flying fuck if that makes me stupid or selfish,” Jensen whispered.

“I tell people my kneecap was busted beyond repair but that’s not true, it just helps my ego. At the time I thought if I’m going to go out, it was going to be on my terms. I wanted People to think I can’t play because I’m seriously injured not because I’m old. How sad and pathetic does that make me?”

They sat their in silence for a while lost in their thoughts, Jensen felt a little lighter, maybe there was some merit in the talking thing, and he knew Michael wouldn’t judge him. And he wasn’t disappointed, soon Michael started to whine how his reporters were driving him up the wall and he just wanted to get back to being a sports reporter again.

When it was time for Jensen to leave Michael said, “Jensen you’re my friend and I want what’s best for you. Maybe you should talk to someone about this,” he held up his hand before Jensen could interrupt, “I’m not saying you have to see a shrink, talk to your parents or talk to your Jared even. It’s just a suggestion,” he finished gently as they said their goodbyes.

Jensen promised to think about it and that he’ll swing by again and left to look for some lunch; who knew all these emotional talking could make him so hungry.

 

By the time Jensen made his way to Jared’s house he was all out of sorts, Michael’s voice was going round and round in his head “Maybe you should talk to someone about this…talk to your parents or talk to your Jared even.”

He shook his head his parents had their own problem and Jared hadn’t been his in a long time.

He checked his watch as he walked up the pathway; it was already 6, a warm evening that was promising to be a very pleasant night.

Jared opened the front door before Jensen could knock; he lounged against the doorway, he was wearing a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants that was resting low on his hips. He was looking at Jensen with an intense scrutiny but said nothing as he motioned Jensen to follow him inside.

Jared handed him a beer wordlessly as he walked in through the living room and again Jensen was surprised by him, he didn’t know exactly what he had expected from Jared but it certainly hadn’t been such a nice welcome.

He must have looked bemused because Jared answered, “It looked like you could use one of those. What the hell happened to you?”

“Nothing, it’s been an emotional day. Do you still hate coffee?” Jensen suddenly wanted to know.

“What?”

“I remember you hated the taste of coffee but you loved the smell of coffee,” Jensen shrugged like it was no big deal.

Something flared in Jared’s eyes, “I didn’t hate the taste of coffee but no now I can’t stand either the taste or the smell.”

Jensen nodded Jared wasn’t going to make this easy for him not that Jensen had expected him to either.

Jensen looked around the room, it certainly had changed since he was last here, gone were the rose covered wallpaper and thousands of pictures of Jared in various stages of growing up. Now it looked like a regular bachelor pad, with its light blue painted walls, black leather sofa, which was very comfortable and the wide screen plasma that dominated the whole focus of the room.

“You’re parents don’t live here anymore than?” he asked.

Jared shook his head, “Mom moved in with her sister Val after dad died.”

Jensen’s hand stopped halfway, “When did your dad die?”

“You didn’t know? God Jensen what planet do you live in? It’s been nearly 3 years since dad died, I guess at the time you were too much of a hot shot football player to care. But now hell didn’t you even ask your parent’s?” and Jensen realised he should’ve, god he was still being so selfish.

“It’s not that Jared, it wasn’t that I didn’t care because I did…I do. It’s just that my parents are messed up right now and I’m avoiding talking to them as much as possible,” he knew it wasn’t just an excuse; he really didn’t know how to talk to his parents anymore.

“Yes I noticed that at the wedding, what’s going on with them?” Jared asked.

“What happens when people marry for wrong reasons,” Jensen replied.

Jared looked shocked, “What are you talking about? Jeff and Sam love each other.”

“They do love each other but it’s also destroying them because they feel trapped by each other,” Jensen said and saw Jared visibly stiffen at the word ‘trapped’.

“It’s good that you told me the truth back then and broke up with me, as heartbreaking as that was I don’t think I could live through something like that years after being together,” Jared laughed bitterly.

“No Jared, that’s what I came to tell you, I didn’t feel suffocated or trapped by you, not back then…not ever. I had to say it because I knew it was the only thing that would make you leave me,” Jensen whispered.

Jared looked doubtful, “You could’ve just told me you didn’t love me anymore.”

“I couldn’t do that; I was still selfish you see. I couldn’t make myself say that to you, I loved you so much.”

“Well if you loved me so fucking much then why did you leave me?” Jared was pacing.

“Because…because, you remember the day we broke up, I had to see the coach before I came to see you?” Jared just nodded.

Flashback

“You wanted to see me coach?”

“Ackles yeah come on in,” Coach Barker waved Jensen in.

Jensen closed the door behind him and sat down, “What is it Coach?”

“Good news boy, I have some very good news,” said Coach.

Jensen didn’t dare breathe, because if this was what he was thinking he didn’t think he’d be able to contain himself.

“The Wildcats want you. Northwestern is offering you a full ride, son. This is a good opportunity for you. Didn't you say you want to major in journalism? I looked into it - its a tough program there. You're going to need to get your act together if you want to play ball and keep up the requirements for that department.” (*)

Coach smiled as Jensen let out a noise of triumph, “Now Jensen before you go and celebrate there are some things I need to discuss with you. Some advice that would be best for you to hear from me,” coach looked completely serious and Jensen what could be so important he couldn’t wait to tell Jared the good news, Chicago was a bit far then New York but they’ll manage anyway.

“Now Jensen I know you fancy yourself in love with that Jared boy but now it’s time to give up all that nonsense and focus more on your career,” Jensen nearly chocked on his tongue to stop himself from yelping.

“What are you talking about coach?” Jensen felt anxiety settle in his stomach.

“I think you know what I’m talking about Jensen. I’m sure Jared is a nice boy but he isn’t right for you,” Jensen wanted to scream who the fuck are you to talk about Jared like that?

“Excuse me coach but I don’t think it’s any of your business,” Jensen’s tone was final.

Coach sighed like Jensen was being insufferable, “Jensen I’m saying this for your own good, having Jared in your life will only hinder your career.”

“Look if Northwestern doesn't want me to play with them because of Jared, I don’t care. I have a scholarship with Columbia anyway. I just want to play ball and i can do that with whatever team i'm with,” Jensen said; nothing was more important than Jared, not even football.

“What you think any serious NFL team will take you with this attitude? A gay football player?” the coach laughed and it had never sounded as harsh to Jensen as it sounded then, “Give me a fucking break, as soon as they realise you’re gay its game over. Take my word of advice don’t throw your career away for some kid you’re think you love, or for some relationship that’s not even going to last until the next year,” coach had a knowing gleam in his eyes, and Jensen realised he had put an emphasis on my.

Did that mean coach was gay? And he was talking from personal experience? His questions must have registered in his face because the coach gave a subtle nod and Jensen was floored. Coach knew from personal experience that must mean at least part of it were true.

Jensen had never thought what being gay would mean for his career or what impact it would have in his life. He had always thought it would be ok but this was professional football, and just because his high school teammates didn’t mind him being gay and most of these guys have known him since pre-school it didn’t mean other people won’t mind it either, other people who were complete strangers.

Suddenly Jared’s smiling face came into Jensen’s mind, showing of his dimple that did crazy things to Jensen’s heart and Jensen thought how he could even for a second thought he could give Jared up and for football of all asinine things.

He shook his head and said, “These are different times coach, people don’t really think being gay is wrong anymore and I love Jared so even if I get a little hassle for being with him I’m prepared to take it.”

“Yes you are prepared. But is he?” coach asked.

“What do you mean?”

Coach now walked around his table and stood next to Jensen, “This is football we’re talking about Jensen and we both know no matter how modern the times are some things still stay the same. To be with Jared and to be successful you have to hide him, and pretty soon both of you’ll get sick of that and once they find out they will eat you alive. Oh they wouldn’t do anything to you, they’d go after Jared, they’d attack him personally and emotionally, they’d make him front page news and write awful stuff about him in papers, some will even attack him physically. In short they will make his life a living hell.”  
He continued before Jensen could say anything, “Here; you guys are in a small town, where you were born and everybody knows you and your families so they protect you but out there you’re all alone in the big wide world and it’s like swimming in shark infested waters, they’ll ambush if they even get a hint of blood.”

After that coach had left with a parting, “Think about that,” and Jensen had thought. He did nothing but think for the next two hours.

When everything coach had said finally sank in Jensen felt like his heart was breaking. He couldn’t ask Jared to face that, he just couldn’t. He knew Jared would readily agree, he would do anything to be with Jensen because no matter what the coach said their love was very real. Jared would agree even knowing he would face harassment both emotional and physical but Jensen wasn’t so selfish that he would even think of asking that from Jared, nor could he stand it that any of his choice would lead to Jared being hurt.

A tiny part of him asked why couldn’t he just give up his dream of being a professional football player and just be with Jared. But Jensen was scared what if he did gave it up and down the line he became as bitter and washed up like the coach, what if he ended up resenting or hating Jared or worse what if Jared ended up hating and resenting him. Jensen couldn’t bear that, but it didn’t matter what way he looked at it there was no way he could have a pro career and still be with Jared, not without hiding their relationship anyway and he knew none of them would be happy with that arrangement. Their love was nothing to be ashamed of but oh what could he do now?

‘You could break up with him?’ whispered something in his head that suspiciously sounded like coach’s voice.

No he couldn’t do that! Could he? No Jensen was pretty sure he would die if he ever had to let Jared go. ‘Then what do you do now genius?’

After hours of sitting there Jensen though maybe they were exaggerating everything, it couldn’t be as bad as the coach made it out to be, ‘Nah’ he thought, ‘We’ll be all right, we’ll make it somehow,’ and for the first time in hours he smiled.

Making his way out of the coach’s office he made his way down to the field, he had told Jared they’d meet on the bleachers; he’d have to explain everything to Jared and together they’ll figure something out.

With his heart much lighter he was about to break into a run when a movement in his peripheral vision caught his attention.

He turned to see two figures get inside the alcove near the locker rooms, curiosity piqued he followed them. What he saw nearly made him gasp aloud, two boys from his team, Steven and Robert, both backup line-backers were towering above Max, who was Tom’s current boyfriend who had a small stature.

“Just because your boyfriend is a football star doesn’t mean you get the same treatment faggot,” Steven said viciously.

“Yeah you cocksucking whore; your lot disgust me and maybe we can’t do anything to your darling boyfriend but we can certainly mess you up,” Robert spat and they both started laughing in a vulgar manner.

They were soon run off by the baseball coach who happened to pass in that direction and Jensen didn’t even notice coach taking Max up to see the nurse or sending Robert and Steven to see the principle, he just stood there shocked to his core by what he’d just seen.  
Suddenly he could see Jared hunching his shoulder looking so small, bruises all over his face that sparkling smile wiped out by the abuse being hurled at him and Jensen knew exactly what he had to do.

End of Flashback

Jensen finally looked up from his lap as he finished his story, tear tracks marring his cheeks because telling the story again had hurt just as much if he had relieved it.

He hoped Jared would understand but certainly couldn’t blame Jared if he didn’t, this had all happened because Jensen had been a coward; he had been scared shitless of anything happening to Jared so he had taken the easy way out and had left.

He just hoped against all hope that Jared would forgive him and finally looked up at Jared.

Jared looked like he’d just been hit on the head with a hammer, there were tear on his eyes as well, he had an indescribable look on his face and frankly his body language scared Jensen.

After a second that felt like an eternity to Jensen, Jared burst out, “You fucking, stupid, idiotic Jerk,” he almost screamed the word jerk as if he couldn’t find anything better.

And Jensen Ackles felt his heart literally sink to his stomach.

Chapter 9:

Jared felt like he could strangle Jensen or at least throw something at him. Of all the reasons that he had ever thought it could be, he never even dreamed Jensen could be so stupid. The man had left him to be a fucking martyr.

Jared paced angrily, his body taut with tension; he was vibrating with the need to hit something, hard.

“Jared I know…” Jensen stood up.

“Shut up,” he almost screamed and Jensen was instantly quiet, “Sit down,” not caring he was barking out orders but Jensen instantly sat down. Any other time Jared would’ve laughed at Jensen’s obedience but now he just felt a vicious satisfaction.

“Just shut up and let me process this,” he said more quietly

His entire world had been destroyed that day; he had lost his love and his pride in one full swoop, ‘had all of that been in vain?’ Jared wondered.

“Do you know what you did that day? You didn’t just break my heart Jensen, you broke my soul,” Jared whispered and Jensen flinched visibly.

“Yes Jensen my soul, I loved you that much and you threw it all back in my face,” he said his voice now breaking.

“Jay…” but Jared didn’t want to listen, he wanted Jensen to hear this and suffer, even just a little.

Jared looked straight into Jensen’s eyes, the light green eyes now darker with anguish and torture and Jared wanted to feel satisfaction but he didn’t, all he felt was heartache.

“I got down on my knees Jensen and I begged you and I begged you not to leave me, over and over but you left anyway,” tears blurring his vision but he could still see tears forming in Jensen’s eyes and a perfect tear escaped, ‘Great,’ Jared thought, the guy even cried fucking pretty.

“Jay I understand but please just…” but Jared cut him off again.

“Don’t call me Jay, you lost that right when you told me I suffocated you,” Jared snarled.

Jensen nodded slowly and stood up forcing Jared to move back and he just sat on the floor looking at nothing. The silence between them said so much and it could’ve been minutes or hours but both of them stayed where they were, just in silence.

Finally Jensen spoke, “I know I hurt you Jared but I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to protect you, I always wanted to just protect you.”

“Jen I wasn’t your brother or your friend I was your boyfriend, your lover.” Jared said.

“Yes and did that make me want to protect you less? Hell no, you were 16 years old Jared, it was my responsibility to protect you,” Jensen said.

“Then why didn’t you protect me from yourself?” Jared asked and derived a dark pleasure from seeing Jensen recoil.

“I thought I was,” Jensen whispered.

“Do you know what I went through after you left? I didn’t eat or sleep for days, my parents had to force feed me, I didn’t study and my grades went down the drain. I literally wanted to die; it took me years to actually get over you,” Jared said, those days had been etched onto his memories like horrible nightmares.

“I’m not angry that you left me Jensen, I’m angry because of why you left and how you left. You had no right to do what you did! You made such a big decision that turned my world upside down all by yourself and didn’t even bother to ask me.”

“Because I knew what you’d say,” Jensen screamed.

Jared reeled back; Jensen didn’t get angry easily but when he did, boy was he scary.

“I knew you would throw caution to the wind, you’d probably even agreed to hide our relationship. But I couldn’t ask that of you Jared because no matter how much we love each other, in the end it wouldn’t have made any of us happy!”

“How’d you know that?” Jared asked his voice quite, although he knew he never would’ve been happy hiding their relationship.

“You think it was easy for me to make that decision? I lived like a zombie at college Jared; my heart felt like it was going to burst with hurt. I thought about you all the time, I couldn’t even sleep because you were in my dreams. Three months in and I couldn’t take it anymore. I made up my mind I didn’t care what would happen I was going to come back and beg for your forgiveness,” Jensen laughed but it was devoid of any humour.

“Just before I was about to leave you know what I found out; some of my teammates had the pleasure of breaking some freshman’s leg in two places because he was faggot.” Jensen looked straight at him, “They said he was a pillow biting whore and that he deserved it,” his gaze turned harsh.

“Karma’s a bitch huh?! Now you sit there and tell me how I could have knowingly asked that of you. Could you if you were in my position?” Jensen asked and Jared’s first thought was hell no.

“That’s unfair Jensen and just because some kid got beaten up didn’t mean I would’ve too. You’re saying there’s not a single gay player in the NFL?” Jared asked.

“Do you know Chris Kane?” Jensen asked suddenly but continued before Jared could answer “Anybody who watches football knows him; he is the best fucking wide-receiver in the NFL. Did you know that he has a life partner?” he asked again.

Jared shook his head in surprise; he had always thought Kane was one of those Gorge Clooney types gorgeous and forever bachelor.

“Not many people do, actually apart from the team owner, his manager and a handful of close friends nobody knows about Steve,” Jensen said his tone filled with bitterness.

“Most people think that they are cousins who just share a house. I’ve met Steve, amazing guy and they love each other a lot, but he’s kept away like a dirty little secret. They can’t really do anything together; Chris usually attends sports functions with hired escorts or close female friends because otherwise everybody would get suspicious. Could you do that Jared? Could you wake up in the morning and see your partner draped over someone else in the front page of most papers, someone in your rightful place? Could you?” Jensen asked and Jared didn’t answer because Jensen probably already knew his answer, no he couldn’t.

“I’m sure there are others but do we know any of those names, anything about them? Of course not because as soon as it’s out their career would most probably be over,” Jensen said and after a seconds thoughts added, “Chris’s career would’ve been over if one he wasn’t so damn good at what he does and second and most important he doesn’t flaunt Steve actually most people don’t even have a clue,” Jensen said.

Jared didn’t have anything to say to that, really what could he say; I’m glad you chose you’re career over me?

His thoughts must have registered over his face because Jensen sighed as he came over and sat next to Jared.

“I would’ve given up all that to be with you Jared, I would’ve but I couldn’t stand the thought that one day it might become an issue for us. That I might start to resent you because I thought I lost a chance since I wanted to stay with you or that you might stay with me out of any type of obligation because I did,” Jensen whispered.

Jared understood, he really did it was human nature to want to protect those you love and Jensen had always been ultra protective over him especially because of their age difference. Back then Jared hadn’t understood but now he really did.

“You could’ve talked to me about it Jensen, explained it better rather than being so abrupt and mean,” said Jared.

Jensen chuckled, “I said I wanted to protect you, I didn’t say I was smart about it. Hell Jay I was young and naïve and frankly scared shitless. I didn’t know who was telling the truth so I just took in what I saw happening in front of me. But its over and done with Jay and I can’t take it back no matter how much I want to. So all I can say is I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart and I just hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me,” Jensen looked so sincere and it finally registered with Jared that Jensen really was sorry.

 

Now what the hell was he supposed to do with that?

 

“So you found anyone special? Or have you been pining after my gorgeous ass all these years?” it was meant to be a joke to lighten the moment but suddenly Jared wasn’t so sure if he wanted to know the answer to that question.

Jensen just laughed, “Not really, I’ve had a couple of relationships over the last decade, all very nice men and all very discreet as they had their own careers to protect but nothing serious no.”

Jared really didn’t why he felt cheered at that thought, really he didn’t.

“So what about you?” Jensen asked.

“Ah well you don’t get to ask me that,” Jared smirked.

Jensen gaped a little, “But you get to ask me that question and I don’t?”

“Well you see it’s a dumpee’s prerogative,” Jared answered.

Jensen smile wiped from his face, “Jay I never dumped you, dumping implies our relationship was something trivial and it wasn’t.”

“So what would you call it? Stomping on someone’s heart until it broke? Is that better?” Jared asked feeling old resentment surface again.

“No it was my stupidity and I don’t even know how to express how sorry I am that you got hurt because I was so stupid,” Jensen looked so pitiful that Jared didn’t have the heart to have a go at him again.

“Yeah you were stupid but I guess your heart was in the right place,” Jared said.

Jensen looked so eager that if he was a dog his tongue would be lolling out panting and Jared laughed at the image, he had always loved dogs.

“Just give me some time Jensen,” Jared said turned to look at Jensen who nodded in understanding and stood up.

Jared was so lost in thought he didn’t even realise Jensen had left until he heard the soft click of the front door.

 

Jared knew he was probably letting Jensen off easily but after hearing that confession he really couldn’t hold on to any anger or resentment anymore.

Jensen always had a screwed up point of view when it came to Jared, they loved each other but Jensen always had this intense need to protect Jared from everything.

Even back when they were going out Jensen misguided attempt to protect Jared had led to them having many arguments and those were always solved when Jensen usually understood that he was being an idiot.

Jared hadn’t properly understood how deep those need to protect him run in Jensen until the guy refused to have sex with him or touch him in any sexual way apart from kissing until Jared was sixteen even though Jared could see Jensen really wanted to.

Jared smiled at those memories, one day he had been reduced to ‘seduce’ Jensen because he couldn’t stand it anymore, which led to him being somehow completely naked and jerking himself off in Jensen’s rocking chair while Jensen just stood there and creamed his shorts.

Jared remembered even when they started having sex Jensen had always been attentive of Jared and his needs. He always strived to make it good for Jared to be sure that he never hurt Jared and at the time Jared had found it very endearing, but now he realised how one-sided it all seemed.

Jared couldn’t think of anyone he’d lose his virginity other than Jensen and if he got to do it over, he’d choose Jensen every time.

Sex with Jensen had always been amazing and Jared was a bit ashamed to say he had the best sex of his life with Jensen nobody else came even close after that but their first time had been simply mind blowing.

Knowing it was Jared’s first time Jensen had been so patient and understanding yet hot and sexy and it had been so good from start to end that Jared had been hooked.

Flashback

“You’re really sure,” Jared looked up at his boyfriend Jensen had a concentrated look on his face and it would have been cute if Jared wasn’t so damn frustrated.

“How many times do I have to say it Jen? Yes I’m sure,” he said and pulled Jensen down for a kiss before the man started thinking up more excuses.

Jensen groaned as Jared slipped his tongue in, it was pretty easy to rile Jensen up you just have to kiss the guy and he was ready, Jared didn’t know if Jensen had a high sex drive or if it was Jared himself but Jared liked to think it was him.

His smugness vanished when Jensen ground himself onto Jared’s thigh, ‘Ohthatsogood’ was his only coherent thought.

Jensen nuzzled his cheek and Jared could hear his harsh breathing, “I want you so damn much Jay, please be sure baby because I won’t be able to stop once I start,” he murmured.

Even through the haze of lust and want a love warmed his heart and whatever trepidation he had over losing his virginity disappeared, this was his Jensen who’d rather die then actually knowingly hurt him.

“I’m here Jen and I’ll always be here, you and me together forever baby,” he whispered back and Jensen started kissing him again, their mouths open and wet, fingers digging into each other like they were desperate for the taste of each other and couldn’t bare to let each other go.

Between kissing pretty soon their clothes had vanished and they both somehow made it to Jensen’s bed. How much time elapsed they couldn’t tell they were so lost in each other.

It seemed like Jensen had spent hours just preparing him getting him used to one fingers at a time and it had been heaven. Jared felt like he had been in a state of delirious pleasure for eternity but Jensen wouldn’t let him come.

Jared just couldn’t take it anymore, without caring if he looked or sounded like a slut he wrapped one of his leg around Jensen’s back, “Please Jen…inside me please…more,” he moaned incoherently.

Jensen groaned but gave in and grunted as he pushed just the head in, “Please…more...” was all Jared could say; oh god this was fucking brilliant.

Jensen slowly pushed all the way in and kept himself perfectly still as if trying to rein in control then he gasped, “You okay?”

Jared wanted to laugh his baby was still thinking about that? He hitched his hips up even higher fighting against the burn and yet trying to pull Jensen closer by wrapping his legs around his hips.

Jensen seemed to get the message and sucking in a deep breath pushed harder, they both groaned together overwhelmed by the feeling, to be joined so closely as two people could be. Jensen’s movement had been slow and deliberate and he’d shown Jared stars with each thrust which rendered him incoherent.

The orgasm caught Jared unawares and so different than the ones he had when he was alone, “Fuck, fuckkkkkkk Jen,” it was so much more intense. In a matter of seconds Jared felt like he had been shattered in million pieces and then put back together again.

Jensen had been shaking and panting, “Love you baby, love you so much,” and the emotions in his eyes had been so raw that Jared had shivered at the intensity. He felt a sting in his eyes that he had push away for his own sanity.

Jensen was still gasping for breath and he curled himself around Jensen like a large cat, lethargy claiming his every bone and they practically nuzzled each other and Jared shamelessly even purred a little because it hadn’t just been sex, it had been making love and making love with Jensen was freaking wonderful.

Afterwards they had been curled into each other still kissing each other languidly when Jensen asked, “So how was it?” looking quite nervous.

It made Jared want to kiss him until they were both breathless and he just proceeded to do that because they were lovers now, Jared still felt a shiver slid down his spine at the word lover.

Jensen looked dazed and Jared felt his mouth form into a big grin; he knew his dimples were flushing and his eyes were probably sparking but he didn’t care if he looked a little idiotic and Jensen liked it anyway, “It was awesome, let's do it again,” he said and Jensen had burst out laughing.

End of flashback

Although if Jared remembered correctly they did do it, again and again and again.

After that Jensen often joked that the only way to shut Jared up was sex and quid pro quo Jared started calling him ‘my shining star’ because he’d shown Jared the stars every time they made love. Jared felt his heart warm at that memory, it was one of his favourite Jensen memories and he had a lot to choose from.

Jared sighed as he got ready for bed he knew in his heart he had mostly forgiven Jensen because lets face it even though what Jensen did was stupid; Jared also found it kind of cute.

Jared groaned and fell onto his bed Sophia was going to kill him when she realised he’d forgiven Jensen so easily but he couldn’t help it, he’d always been a sucker for a pretty face.

But as Jared slipped onto dreamland he thought just because he’d forgiven Jensen it didn’t mean he had to let Jensen know straight away, Jared mentally smirked at the thought, he could still have some fun making Jensen squirm a little and it also ought to appease Sophia just a little bit.

Chapter 10:

Jensen cursed himself even as he smiled at the guy passing by him hoping his grimace didn’t show in his face, how the hell do I get roped into these things? He thought grimly.

Oh yes Jared Padalecki the sadistic fuck who had decided to exert his revenge on Jensen in very cruel ways indeed.

After the confession Jensen had left with a small hope blooming in his hear that Jared might be able to forgive him. But he had forgotten just how merciless Jared could be when he felt vindicated and over the past three weeks he found out what a sick puppy Jared was.

Jensen wished that Jared didn’t know him so well, because you see the things Jared had volunteered Jensen to do weren’t exactly terrible or mean or in any way harmful. They were just plain annoying and made his life hell but he guessed that was Jared’s intention.

Two days after their heartbreaking confession after which Jensen had been too chicken to face Jared and basically stayed cooped up in his room, reading books he’d wanted to for years and just hadn’t had the time that he had gotten a call from Jared.

At first Jensen had been terrified of what Jared would say, Jensen imagined things like fuck off you cowardly bastard; I never want to see your face again. But Jared had been perfectly civil, almost nice even and then he invited Jensen for a nice friendly drink.

Jensen should’ve suspected something then.

But he hadn’t and now he was stuck here!

At first Jared had been completely innocent and suggested that the school was raising some money for charity and wouldn’t it be nice if Jensen did something to help them, to give something back to the community of course.

Jensen hadn’t been suspicious at all, why would he be? He thought maybe he’d be asked to throw a football around, sign couple of autograph, took a bunch of photographs with the little kiddies and he’d be set and it would make Jared happy as well!

Oh how wrong he was!

It turned out that the money was raised via baking sales and knitting competition with a pink princess party thrown in afterwards.

The place had been filled women of all ages from little girls in pink dresses to their grandmothers who had all been delighted by Jensen’s presence.

There wasn’t a single male in the vicinity of school not even a little boy crying for his mommy and at that moment Jensen would’ve faced the entire offence team of the New York Giants than be there.

In the end he had been forced to change into his “prince” costume and was given a magic pink wand and had to go around dubbing the little girls as princesses. That hadn’t been so bad the girls were really cute even with their giggling but Jensen rather not think about the tights he had to wear even in his nightmares.

As the day had ended the only rational thought on Jensen’s mind had been, how in the world did Robin Hood did the things he did, tights were hell on one’s balls.

The nightmare hadn’t ended there oh no, since then he’d been contacted by the PTA numerous times. Every time somehow he found himself saying yes he’d love to host the bingo night and yes it would be nice if he did his bit for the community and refereed the little league softball game (which he hated just because Jared had sat there with a smug smile on his face eating hotdogs knowing how much Jensen despised being any part of any sport without playing it!)

Couple of days later he had been asked to help out with the backstage at the upcoming school plays and somehow he’d agreed again.

Jensen wanted to scream did they had to organise all these money raising events one after another but Jensen understood what was happening they were cashing in on his celebrity status as much as possible before he got away or something.

Although this time he’d been hoping Jared would be involved as well but unfortunately Jared had opted out this year. He’d been paired up with Sophia who had made her distaste over him know pretty quickly although that was nothing when he found out he’s been asked to help with the costume department. Jensen didn’t know anything about sewing; he couldn’t even sew his own shirt button on damn it how the heck he was supposed to make pumpkins or whatever the hell they wanted.

He just ended up pricking his fingers too many times and somehow developed a little phobia of needles and again the feelings worsened when he saw Jared smirking at him every time they passed each other in the school corridors.

Those hadn’t been so bad in retrospect when he thought about it not when he thought about what had happened since then.

Mellissa Parker the president of the valley social committee had somehow gotten hold of him; Jensen suspected Jared’s hand behind that as well.

She wanted to let him know that they were doing a calendar shoot to raise money for the Valley fire brigade and they wanted him to be Mr. February or some such rot.

Jensen had suggested that maybe he could just donate money; he even told her like an idiot he had lots of money but she had been adamant.

Then she mentioned something about Jared and Jensen had just sighed and agreed. Still he hadn’t been prepared for the shoot.

They had made him strip down until he was just in his jeans, the photographer than made him open the first button of his jeans and dragged it so low in his hips that the top thatch of his pubic hair had shown. Then someone seemed to want to make his life even more miserable and dropped a huge bucket of water on his head. The jeans heavy from being wet dragged themselves even lower that his hip bones had canted forward and the top his ass had shown. The photographer had looked like he was in heaven and his fingers had clicked away furiously.

After the news about the calendar had gotten out and the Valley Journal did a special coverage with his picture on the front page Jensen had been mortified. He couldn’t even look at his own parents without them bursting into laughing at his flushed face. His ass had been constantly pinched and knowing smirks had been thrown in his direction that made him want to run away and lock himself in his room.

Although one good thing had come out of it and that was Jared’s reaction, since the article came out Jared had looked away shyly whenever their eyes met. And nobody came up with any crazy propositions since then making him breath a sigh of relief.

Now Jensen understood his grave mistake; he had gotten too complacent and that was how he ended up here tonight.

He pulled uncomfortably at his neck tie, he hated wearing tux but this was a situation that called for it. His eyes again drifted towards the banner he could see behind curtains and gulped again at the big words, “AUCTION NIGHT!”

He couldn’t believe Mellissa had made him agree to do this; to auction himself off, to some stranger and to do their bidding. It was a scary thought even if it was only for one night.

He took a peek outside again, the whole auditorium was buzzing with people, it seemed like most of the Valley was here. He could see Michael sitting there with a grim look on his face as if he’d rather be anywhere than here and Jensen felt affection rise at his friends loyalty towards him. He didn’t have many of those around here.

His eyes zeroed on Jared who looked entirely too relaxed like he was having the time of his life, his friends scattered around them but his head bowed low in a conversation…with Murry.

That was another thing that had niggled Jensen, for the last two weeks Jared had been seen everywhere with Murry. They always seemed to look a little too friendly to Jensen but it’s not like he had any right to march over there and demand them to hang out with each other.

Also it wasn’t like Murry was bad or anything he was just evil but that was inherent in him. And yes he was an idiot to boot but Jared could look after himself; but still it did something to Jensen’s heart whenever he saw them laughing together.

Jensen was brought back to present by his name being announced; he had been the last person to be auctioned off. Mellissa had said something about a big coop that Jensen didn’t care about a whit to actually listen to her.

He made himself walk to the podium and forced himself to smile; he had faced the toughest man on NFL and he hadn’t been as scared as he was at that moment. He had played in front of thousands of fan and they hadn’t intimidated him as much as about a hundred people on that auditorium did, all of their eyes fixed on him.

The bidding started and Jensen hadn’t a clue what was going on, all his focus was to keep himself breathing; he had never been prone to anxiety attacks but one of those looked very near right now.

He had nearly jumped when a loud thud of wood against wood sounded and most everybody stood up. The auction was over and Jensen’s eye was swimming and if he didn’t sit down soon he was going to keel over.

Someone got hold of him and literally dragged him away from the auditorium. The fresh air hit Jensen’s face and he shivered even though it wasn’t cold. He forced himself to take a couple of deep breathes and felt his head clear.

“I’m so sorry Jensen,” the deep voice made him look up.

Jared was standing there with a concerned look on his face and Jensen saw a bit of guilt lurking in his eyes.

He didn’t say anything and Jared continued, “I had no idea you would react like that otherwise I never would’ve said anything to Mellissa.”

Jensen shook his head, “Its ok Jay. I don’t know why I reacted like that, why I was so scared,” he turned his head to avert his eyes feeling a little ashamed at his own weakness.

“Hey look at me,” Jared demanded and Jensen felt powerless to stop himself from looking, “You have nothing to be ashamed of Jen, I would’ve been scared.”

Jensen was again surprised at how open and honest Jared could be. Yes Jared would never to see it as weakness to admit failure or be ashamed of his own weakness. He would just deal and wouldn’t take the cowards way out like Jensen who had the tendency to bottle everything up and destroy himself and everything he held dear in the process.

He sighed and looked up in surprise at what Jared said next, “Let me make it up to you and take you to dinner.”

Jensen looked at him in confusion when Jared clarified, “The whole night belongs to me anyway. I did win you at the auction after all,” he had one of those big grin on his face the ones that made Jensen’s heart flip like crazy.

Then he registered what Jared had just said, Jensen didn’t even know who won the bid or by how much. But it seemed like Jared had; he wondered why Jared felt the need to win a date with him in an auction, Jared could’ve just asked him and he would’ve said yes in a heartbeat.

Not wanting to analyze the thoughts swimming in his head he just nodded and followed Jared, silently wondering where they were going.

But Jared had bought him for the night and it was Jared’s privilege to do whatever the hell Jared wanted.

With anyone else Jensen would’ve felt dread at the thought of surrendering his freedom so completely even for one night. But with Jared he’d felt safe, yes Jared may have wanted to annoy him and make him squirm but he would never deliberately harm Jensen physically or emotionally. Actually Jensen felt a little relieved that it had been Jared who had bought him for the night. He could face anything with Jared.

Jensen didn’t want to study closely at the feeling of being happy doing anything as long as it was with Jared.

Chapter 11:

Samantha Ackles was a formidable woman and the whole valley knew it, respected it.

But once she had been nothing, when she was Samantha Smith they called her and her family trailer trash. And when she had gotten married to Jeff they called her a slut and a gold digging whore, of-course it wasn’t said out aloud in polite company but it was implied.

They sneered at her, the whole town looked down at her like they were better and sometimes they outright laughed at her. Jeff had found any outcry from her embarrassing and reminded her frequently how women of Ackles house were supposed to behave.

So Samantha had learned; she studied every single etiquette book she could find and improved her manners so even the Queen wouldn’t find faults. She educated herself; she read Shakespeare, Dostoevsky, Harper Lee, Mary Shelly recited Yates and Keats until she was blue in the face. The girl who hadn’t even passed high school could now carry off an intelligent conversation most college graduates couldn’t.

The girl who had been trailer trash, a slut, a gold digger was now valley royalty and she had done it for Jeff. Oh she knew he wouldn’t leave her it just wasn’t done in the Ackles family but she loved him so much that she had been prepared to sell her soul to the devil to keep her husband happy. She left the carefree Sam back in her childhood and moulded herself into a grown up, more dignified Samantha.

Jeff didn’t seem to notice her changes but seemed increasingly pleased as she seemed to fit more and more with his expectations. And when their lovemaking lost all the laughter, when she didn’t whisper little jokes into his ears anymore; if it became silent and more about bodily pleasure rather than meeting of the soul Jeff didn’t seem to either notice or care.

But she had been happy; she raised a wonderful son, a good family, Jeff seemed happy with their life and the people who had once looked down at her now respected her and their family; she had done her family duty.

She had only loved one man in her whole life and she didn’t think that would ever change. Yes the love was different than it had been 30 years ago but it was still there.

Once she had been an innocent girl that gave her virginity to Jeffery Ackles thinking he would marry her and they would have lots of pretty babies together and then they would ride off onto the sunset.

Only it hadn’t quite hadn’t happened like that, yes he’d married her but it was in a begrudging way because she was stupid enough to get pregnant and he was honour bound to do it. And he had broken that dream of having a houseful of kids straightway, at first they couldn’t afford it and then it hadn’t been the right time and after a while Sam didn’t know if she even wanted to have any more kids with Jeff.

So yes her innocent childish dream had broken like a mere glass in front of her eyes and a part of her still cried at that loss, sometimes sitting in the dark as she was now she still mourned her innocence.

But now Jeff had the nerve to ask her to take it all back to change back to what she used to be, and for what? Because he had an epiphany this wasn’t what he wanted or so that he could ease his guilt at how blind he had been.

She knew Jensen’s accident had shaken her husband to the core, for a minute they thought they had lost their only son, the only good thing to come out of their marriage. But she didn’t think it would shake him that much that he wanted to re-capture his youth again or something.

Because she couldn’t do it second time without breaking down, she just couldn’t. Samantha didn’t think she was strong enough to survive it.

“What are you doing here sitting in the dark?”

She quickly wiped her tears away; it wouldn’t do to show her husband these tears when he wouldn’t know the meaning of them.

“Nothing just thinking,” she answered.

Jeff turned on the corner lamp and sat down next to her, his forehead crinkled with a frown.

Even after all these years Jeffery Dean Ackles was still the most handsome man Samantha had seen. He didn’t look like he was 50 years old still in excellent physical shape and health; with his gorgeous eyes and head full of salt and pepper hair. He still made her stomach flutter with butterflies and her heart race like crazy.

But was it enough?

“You’ve been crying,” it wasn’t a question and she just shrugged.

“Sam?” and she shook her head in despair; he hadn’t called her Sam since they had gotten married, it always had been Samantha; a proper name for a proper lady.

“Jeff please just leave me alone,” she pleaded.

“No Sam this is killing the both of us destroying our marriage. We need to talk about it,” he was the one now pleading.

“Fine you want to talk about it? Lets talk about it, I can’t give you what you need or want anymore Jeff,” she said keeping her tone firm.

“What are you saying Sam?” Jeff’s voice was full of apprehension as if he was terrified of the answer.

“I’ve thought a lot about this Jeff and I don’t think we can do this anymore. Actually no I don’t think we should do it anymore, I think it would be for the best if we got a divorce,” she strained herself not to break down and cry because this needed to be done.

“Best for whom?” Jeff gritted his teeth together; a habit only came out to play when he was seriously pissed off.

She took a deep breath knowing he would keep his temper in check around her, “Best for us and Jensen. You think it’s easy for him to see his parents fighting in silence?”

“Jensen is a big boy and he can look after himself,” Jeff growled.

“It doesn’t matter how old he is Jeff, he’s still our baby and we are his parents. This isn’t going to be easy for him even if he is a hundred years old and he’s hurting real bad already and this is just adding to everything,” she said.

“It’s about us and nobody else…” he stopped as a bitter laugh escaped her at the irony.

“Us? Where was that sentiment when I actually needed it Jeff? Where was that us against the world when people you didn’t even know, people you detest laughed at your wife? Hmm where was this attitude when people called your wife a gold digging whore? Don’t tell me you didn’t know because at the time I might have believed it but now not anymore.”

He looked more and more horrified as she lashed out but she didn’t care for this wound had been festering inside her for 30 years.

“I don’t think…”

He attempted to say something but she cut him off again, “That’s just it isn’t it? You don’t think? It’s all about you, your thoughts and feelings; nobody else matters as long as you’re happy. It’s all ‘change your identity Sam because I’m not happy with the way you are, how you don’t fit in with my world’. When is it about me? Well this is my turn and I want a divorce,” her chest heaving by the time she finished. She made herself believe that this was what she really wanted and that her heart wasn’t breaking in million pieces at the same time.

Jeff had sat there looking dumbfounded; like he really wanted to argue but couldn’t find a word to say.

They sat there in silence for what it seemed like hours but probably it was minutes and then Jeff spoke up, “Ok,” he whispered so low as if he didn’t say it out loud it wouldn’t happen.

Sam waited for the relief to come but it didn’t instead she felt like she had been bruised all over, inside and out. The look of anguish in Jeff’s face told her he was feeling the same.

They both still loved each other so much but sometime love just wasn’t enough. And when Jeff realised that he would forgive her for this heartbreak.

They didn’t leave each other’s side and sat there in silence, surprisingly it hadn’t been an uncomfortable one just a sad one; both of their souls mourning the loss of its mate.

The scratching of keys bought them both back to the present; it sounded like when someone was drunk and tried to get in but they couldn’t find the right key.

It could only be Jensen who hadn’t come home last night after the auction and he and Jared had been suspiciously missing all day as well.

Sam smiled at the thought; it was good to see her son laugh and smile again. It was great to see Jared and Jensen work things out between them at least her son would have his happy ending that was so deserved.

Her smile wiped from her face when Jensen came into the living room. He didn’t look happy at all in fact her baby boy looked like he was in deep agony, his eyes looked tortured.

When he saw them he made a whining noise so full of hurt that she felt her heart break all over again. He practically run to her and held her so tight she would’ve fell from the sofa if Jeff hadn’t caught her. They both exchanged a confused look as Jensen mumbled something incoherently over and over again.

Then she saw his shoulders shake and she felt her whole body slump, her baby was crying; he was crying like his whole heart had been breaking and he hadn’t cried like that since he was in 5th grade when Tabby the cat had died.

She didn’t realise she was crying as well until Jeff wiped her tears and pulled both of them practically on his lap. His eyes weren’t dry either and both of them moulded each other to their son as if they can absorb his pain.

She never felt as helpless as she had felt right then; she wanted to help her son but maybe he needed this. Maybe he needed to just cry out all of his feelings so she sat there holding him hoping like hell he would be ok. Glad beyond belief that Jeff was there with her, by her side.

Jared Padalecki curled himself into a ball and cried himself to sleep that night wishing he could do over the last couple of hours. That he could just hold Jensen and beg for forgiveness.

Chapter 12:

24 hours earlier

Jensen was shocked a little when he found himself in front of Jared’s house. He didn’t think Jared would bring them to his house for their date and when he looked at Jared in question; he just shrugged as if it was no big deal.

“Are you hungry?” Jared asked finally as they bypassed the kitchen and made their way into the living room.

“Actually I’m starving,” Jensen confessed sheepishly, “I couldn’t eat before the auction started.”

Jared looked guilty again and tried to apologise but Jensen waved it off; it was all water under the bridge as far as he was concerned.

Jared had asked if he had any preference about what he wanted to eat Jensen just shook his head.

They worked together in harmony making Spaghetti Bolognese and before they knew it they were laughing together and making jokes like they had never been apart.

Jensen hadn’t realised just how much he missed being just friends with Jared who understood him on a level no one else ever could as if they were an extension of each other.

They asked each other questions about their lives as they set up the table getting ready to eat. Jared told him about his time at Columbia where he got his children’s education degree and then how he ended up back home teaching at Brookside elementary. Jensen told him all about his time in Chicago, how at first it had been so challenging playing for the Wildcats and studying at the same time that some days he didn’t have time to sleep. He also told Jared how after he graduated he got drafted into NFL to play for the lions. It all had been a dream come true but it had been a long tiring journey.

As they ate they talked about their friends and suddenly Jared asked, “Do I have to apologise for making you wear tights?”

Jensen tried to glare but Jared’s big grin was infectious, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh huh deny it all you want but I have photographic evidence,” Jared smirked.

“What? You weren’t even there,” Jensen was truly shocked when the heck did they take a picture of him?

“Oh but Sophia was and she did her bit for the humanity and snapped a picture of Jensen Ackles wearing tights,” Jared’s eyes were dancing with amusement.

Jensen grumbled to himself he couldn’t even stay mad at the guy for setting him up.

“I was really surprised how you took to your challenges; you didn’t even complain,” Jared said.

“I am kind of used to it, football players do a lot of stuff like this for promotion, community appearances and such,” Jensen shrugged.

Jared looked guilty again, “Yes that’s what I figured and that’s why I asked Mellissa to get you for the auction, I didn’t realise it would effect you like that.”

Jensen took Jared’s hand in his hand to reassure him, “Hey it wasn’t your fault at all because I never got used to it really. When I talk about football and playing I kind of go into a zone and don’t really notice the people around me,” he said trying to ignore how warm Jared’s hand was. “But standing there looking pretty? Not really my thing,” he continued.

Jared looked like he wanted disagree with the last statement but let it go.

“Well I’m sorry anyway, it was fun to see you grumble and grouse for a while but afterwards I realised it really was just petty of me, which was why I put a bid on you. To get the process over and done with as quickly as possible,” Jared said as he took a sip of his beer.

Jensen laughed, “Yes how much did you buy me for anyways?”

Jared looked a little put out, “Dude I didn’t realise you were in so demand, I nearly had to clean out my savings account to pay for you,” but the teasing glint in his eye reassured Jensen.

“Aw I’m sorry Jay,” he said looking like he wasn’t sorry at all, “So how much?” curiosity got the better of him.

But Jared just shook his head in response and got up, they both cleared up the table in silence and afterwards Jensen took out his medicine bottle and chased a couple of pills with a gulp of beer.

Jared gave him a worried look; the same one his mother gives him every time she sees him take his pills.

“It’s ok” he laughed wryly “I brought the pills with me today because I didn’t know when I would be getting home and I’m mighty cranky company without these babies.”

“I hate that you hurt,” Jared said his voice small.

“Well it’s not that bad really because I’m not that physically active, I don’t play anymore and whatever walking I do it’s good for my knee,” he said and pulled three small orange bottles from his pockets.

He tipped the first one over, “Mostly I just take Tylenol Arthritis,” indicating the pill he just took and then turned the two huge white pills so Jared could read the name.

He tipped the second one over and a couple of small pink Benadryl dropped on the counter and then he tipped out the last one that revealed several Tylox, “These are stronger,” he said indicating the Tylox “and if I’m hurting real bad I take one of those with two Benadryl,” he said.

“I think I understand the beer a little bit more now,” Jared said looking visibly upset.

Jensen felt his gut churn at the little pity he could see in Jared’s eyes and he couldn’t stand it, “And I have this special wrap that I can hold frozen gel packs in them and wrap them around my knee if it’s acting up. Don’t you just love modern technology?” trying to make light of the situation.

Jared gave him a pained smile but didn’t say anything else as Jensen scooped up his pills and put them back in their boxes. This was why he didn’t like to talk about his accident; this was why he worked his butt off at physiotherapy so he wouldn’t walk with a limp. He couldn’t stand to look at the pity in peoples eyes and if people didn’t see you visibly injured they didn’t treat you any different.

“Hey you want to get your ass kicked in Guitar Hero?” Jared shouted from the living room and Jensen felt himself whistle as he made his way to the living room and it was Jared who was so getting his ass kicked.

It was nearly one by the time they finished playing and Jared had admitted defeat, “I still say it’s a fluke,” sulked Jared.

And Jensen did not want to take those pouty lips in his mouth and suck on them; nope he didn’t want that at all.

“Dude I won every time how can that be a fluke?” he asked as he slumped next to Jared and started munching on the left over Doritos.

“I don’t know but you cheated somehow,” Jared said hunching his shoulder in a sulk his pout more pronounced in his voice and Jensen didn’t find that adorable at all, nope he didn’t.

“Jay don’t be a sore loser and just bow down to the master,” Jensen hooted and Jared huffed.

They both sat their in half dark living room munching on Doritos when Jensen thought how good it had felt just to play something like a video game with Jared and how much he had missed this. Again Jensen smacked himself mentally for being so dense for leaving Jensen but then suddenly a thought flittered across his head. Jared was being too quite and he was never quite maybe Jared wanted him to go now and couldn’t find a polite way of saying fuck off.

As he made a move to stand up Jared asked, “Where are you going?”

“I thought I might go home now; it’s getting late,” Jensen said tentatively feeling all shy for some reason.

Jared just mumbled something but didn’t stop him from leaving. Jensen sat down again to put his shoes back in when Jared mumbled something again.

“Jay if you want to say something; just say it,” Jensen said.

“I said I paid seven grand for a date and I didn’t even get a goodnight kiss,” Jared pouted some more.

Jensen would’ve laughed if he hadn’t been so shocked; Jared wanted him to kiss Jared.

Feeling braver than he should be he leaned in closer to Jared and said almost innocently, “You know Jay you bought me for the whole night so technically you could do anything and I wouldn’t be able to stop you.”

Jared looked a bit confused first and then his eyes brightened as he caught on, “Oh. Oh that’s right. I could make you my sex slave and you wouldn’t be able to stop me.”

Jared leaned even closer and Jensen could feel Jared’s breaths on his cheeks and Jensen felt his belly flip like there was something hot and alive inside his skin.

Jared leaned even closer until their breaths were mingling and Jensen could feel Jared’s eyes staring at his lips. Jensen felt his throat go dry and unconsciously licked his lips a little which seemed to break Jared’s control completely and he pounced.

Jensen felt Jared’s lip on his all hot and wet, tongues duelling for dominance; he could taste beer and Doritos on Jay’s mouth but underneath that there was the taste of Jared that he hadn’t forgotten in all these years and it just made him hungry for more.

Somehow he ended up laying back the sofa with Jared on top of him still glued to each other as if they couldn’t bear to let the other go.

Jared pulled back a little bit when oxygen became an issue but Jensen still whined a little at the loss; screw breathing.

Jared just groaned and hid his face in Jensen neck his breathing erratic and Jensen felt his heart soar. He wrapped his arms around Jared’s strong shoulders hoping like hell it wouldn’t all disappear like a popped soap bubble.

Jared made a move to pull away and with a sigh Jensen’s arm tightened around Jared’s shoulders, “No. please don’t, not yet,” he whispered.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jared growled and dug in his fingers on Jensen’s hips pulling him even closer

Wiggling a little Jensen moaned happily when Jared’s weight settled on top of him making him move his arm from Jared’s shoulder to wrap it around Jared’s neck. He pulled himself up a little to drop a little kiss on that strong jaw.

“Stop teasing Jen you’re driving me crazy,” Jared groaned, nipping at Jensen’s throat making Jensen squirm helplessly.

Tilting his head back Jensen chocked of a soft groan as he felt Jared’s teeth scrape his neck again, “I’m not trying to tease.”

Jared slowly pushed his hips forward and ground his hard on against Jensen’s lap making them both groan out loud, “Always teasing, first with that photo and then looking so fucking hot at the auction and now,” Jared growled as he sped up his movement.

Jensen whined low in his throat and lifted his propped legs and wrapped then around Jared’s thighs. He just couldn’t resist it, even if they were both still clothed it just had been too long.

They swallowed each others cry in a heated kiss as they rode out their orgasms like they were both back in time like they had never been apart.

“God we’re gross,” said Jensen as their breathing came back to normal.

Jared pulled back with a soft smile on his face, “Way to kill the mood baby,” he said teasingly.

Jensen laughed feeling utterly happy for the first time in a long time, “I think we need a shower,” and nipped at Jared’s chin playfully.

Jared didn’t look convinced, “Getting clean doesn’t sound like much fun right now,” reluctant to let go of Jensen.

Jensen sat up properly, “Who said anything about getting clean.”

A wicked grin took over Jared’s face and he literally jumped up and sprinted down the hallway far too energetically for Jensen shouting “Race ya there.”

Jensen smiled feeling like he was on top of the world; making love with Jared had always been both fun and passionate. Jared could joke about the most inane thing while Jensen made love to him and it still would’ve been as hot as if he had whispered something dirty.

Jensen couldn’t wait to get to know that feeling again to make love with Jared again properly. He wanted to feel Jared’s body underneath him on top of him; he wanted to slide in Jared and that feeling of coming home and he wanted to feel Jared fill him up. He groaned again as his cock twitched in interest at the thought of being filled by Jared and he followed Jared’s footstep as quickly as his knee would allow him.

Seeing Jared naked was like a religious experience for Jensen. He wanted to get down on his knees and worship the god that had made such a beautiful man and when a wet naked Jared walked up to him; Jensen actually whimpered as if in pain.

They had taken their time in the bathroom getting naked, exploring each other’s bodies almost reverently; as if it really hit home that it was them and they were together again.

The kissing became more and more languid as the edge had been taken off and they really took the time to explore each other, to discover each other again. Jared’s face was flushed and Jensen knew that he was probably in a similar state but he couldn’t care less.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Jared breathed and Jensen couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re the gorgeous one beautiful,” the tension in his shoulder easing a little as he got closer.

Jensen slid his arms around the other man bringing their bodies in contact, both of them moaned almost simultaneously as their naked bodies touched.

The slow kissing made Jensen greedy for more, he snaked his hand down Jared’s tight stomach and oh yes there it was.

Hard and leaking; Jensen stroked Jared’s cock almost too slowly making Jared hiss against Jensen’s cheek, “Oh fuck,” he panted, “I wanted you like this since the moment I saw you standing on my porch.”

Jensen tried not to moan but failed in his attempt, “Well I’m here now,” he said breathily almost shaking with need.

There was no talking after that both of them too immersed in each other to care about anything else. They managed to get themselves in a bed and somehow Jensen found himself on his back with Jared inside him like he’d dreamed about.

At first the thrusts had been slow, almost too slow and Jensen would deny it till his dying day but he did actually whine like a slut in protest. Jared had given him a predatory grin and slammed in Jensen with a powerful snap of his hips.

It was an incredible feeling; pleasure and pain both mingled into one and Jensen forgot everything except Jared.

Afterwards they had slept in each others arms and Jensen felt completely calm and peaceful for the first time in a decade. Jared had never let him go throughout the night, waking him up twice; hard with want and need and they sleepily lost themselves in each others pleasure.

Jensen woke up feeling happy and confused.

He looked around the room and his body protested as he tried to move places that hadn’t hurt in quite a while hurt. But it was good actually it felt wonderful and Jensen felt himself smile at the wonder that was Jared Padalecki.

‘Speaking of which where was he’, thought Jensen.

Jared was nowhere to be seen and Jensen looked at the clock it was almost 5pm; he had slept the whole morning away. They hadn’t actually gotten to sleep until it had been six in the morning when they couldn’t keep their eyes open no matter how hard they tried. Jensen’s stomach made its presence known as he made his way to the bathroom. He wore his black slacks and picked up one of Jared’s t-shirt forgoing his own shirt; it was missing most of the buttons anyway. He smirked at the thought and made his way to the kitchen as he pulled the t-shirt on and stopped dead in his tracks.

There was Jared standing in just jeans that rested low on his hips trying to whistle a tune but actually butchering it in the process and cooking.

“Hey,” he croaked and cleared his throat in embarrassment.

“Hey Jen,” Jensen was almost blinded by the smile and felt himself lose the tension he didn’t even know he had.

“Breakfast/lunch/dinner is served,” and Jensen laughed again.

They both ate in silence stealing looks at each other, smiling when they caught the other looking. It was all so normal and wonderful and so confusing.

Where did they go from here? Did this mean Jared had forgiven him completely? Did it mean they were a couple again? Was it a one night stand? A last hurrah before going back to being friends, a closure of some sort or was it the beginning of something more? Did Jensen want something more? Hell yes was the immediate answer. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Jared, making him happy but did Jared want that?

Jensen didn’t know why but it all came pouring out, all these questions that was eating away at him.

He instantly knew he had done something wrong, it was like shutters had come over those eyes and it was all wrong. Jensen was used to reading Jared’s every emotion on his eyes, the man was like an open book but now he was guarding himself against Jensen.

“Jensen can we not talk about this, the past is in the past so lets just take it day by day,” Jared’s voice was clipped.

“For how long Jared, for how long can we not talk about it? Days, months, years before it destroys everything that is great between us. I did a stupid thing Jared; I was scared and acted like a coward and you have to forgive that,” Jensen stood up slowly.

“I’ve forgotten all about it,” Jared said as he stepped away from Jensen.

“I’m not asking you to forget Jared, I’m asking you to forgive,” Jensen balled his hands up in fists.

“I have…” but Jensen knew he was lying.

He felt like in seconds his world had turned upside down again, “I don’t think you have Jay not where it matters anyway,” raising his hand to his own chest pushing it against his heart as if reassuring himself that he wouldn’t die from this…not yet anyways.

“I love you,” Jared said and Jensen wondered why that hurt so much.

“You also hate me,” and forced himself not to whimper when Jared didn’t deny it. “You have a right to that hate Jay but for us to be anything more you have to let it go,” he finished.

Jared looked angry at those words as if he couldn’t believe Jensen would dare to ask anything of him, “That’s a bit too much then I’m willing to give Jensen.”

Jensen nodded, “Then this would never work.”

“Just like that, you get to decide, you get to tell me what I feel, you get set the conditions,” Jared lashed out.

Jensen bit his lips so hard it bled just to stop himself from crying and just shook his head; he couldn’t say anything for he was afraid if he opened his mouth he would howl.

He stood outside the front door and waited just for a second hoping Jared would say something else and he wasn’t disappointed.

“You know what Jensen Ackles; I don’t want you anyways. What did you think this was huh? This was just one last fuck for old time’s sake,” Jared snarled and walked away.

Jensen didn’t think it would hurt so much if Jared had taken a knife and stabbed him in the heart. He didn’t even know how he made it home or how he didn’t just end up in a ditch somewhere bawling his eyes out.

But seeing both of his parents sitting there concerns etched on their faces Jensen couldn’t control himself anymore.

He held onto them and cried; cried for losing the love of his life; cried because he would never hold Jared again or kiss him again or make love to him again; cried that he wouldn’t get to spend the rest of his life with the one he loved.

Chapter 13:

Jared forced himself to breathe normally as he walked along the cobbled path that led to the Valley woods. It was a favourite spot amongst kids who were brave enough to enter it, not that there were anything dangerous in the woods but the older kids tended to scare their younger siblings with tales of haunting and ghosts. Jared himself had spent many days playing hide and seek in these woods and many nights spent camping with Jensen. Thoughts of Jensen made his head spin and his heart ache, the guilt still gnawing at his conscience for the way he had behaved.

It had been nearly two weeks since that fateful day in his house where he had basically thrown Jensen out and the pain still hadn’t lessened. Jared wasn’t proud of the way he had conducted himself over the last couple of weeks. At first it had been amusing to see Jensen grumble and struggle but then seeing him on that podium looking like he was waiting for his execution had been just horrible. He had wanted to take Jensen away as quickly as possible and had put in a bid not even thinking about the consequences.

The date itself had gone better than Jared had imagined; it hadn’t been awkward or weird or uncomfortable at all. They had fallen in tune with each other immediately like they had never been apart, they had been so in sync with each other that it had been so easy to just forget everything and just enjoy themselves and oh boy did they enjoy themselves.

The sex had been phenomenal, apart from it being the first time they had touched each other so intimately in a decade; it was like reciting a favourite poem one hadn’t read in so long but remembered as soon as the first verse was spoken.

Because they remembered; their bodies had remembered each other so well and their souls had rejoiced as if it had been waiting for its mate, a feeling so much like the sensation one got when one heard a favourite piece of music again that they didn’t even know they had missed so much until they listened it again. Every inch of their body was crying out for the others touch, like every nook and groove in his body were begging for Jensen and only Jensen.

They had licked and sucked and tasted every inch of each other and still felt it wasn’t enough. It was also the first time in their “relationship” Jared had topped not that Jensen hadn’t offered before but back then Jared had been addicted to the feeling he got when Jensen had entered him like two pieces of puzzle finally locked as one. But slipping into Jensen the first time had been like coming home and Jared had felt his heart quiver not just with lust but love. That night Jared had learnt the difference between having sex and making love, where it wasn’t just about his dick and their mutual getting off but looking into the other person’s eyes and literally feeling your whole world shatter around you.

Jared sighed as he sat down on one of the comfortable looking rocks overlooking the valley river; he remembered the look in Jensen’s eyes as they had made love, a look so full of love and trust that Jared had felt it like a punch in his stomach. It had shaken him to his core and at that moment he realised that he still loved Jensen, maybe even more than ever before. Jensen had been his first love and now Jared realised Jensen will be his only love…ever. He couldn’t imagine having these feelings for anyone else, sharing those moments with anyone else; he wasn’t naïve, he had plenty of sex and a handful of relationship over the last decade but none of it had come close to that one night with Jensen.

Waking up with Jensen wrapped in his arms had been so wonderful that it had both amazed and terrified him.

He realised he wanted this…forever.

Jared thought maybe he imagined it all; he convinced himself he imagined all that emotions between them by the time he started cooking. He had needed to do something with his hands before he started doing something totally irrational like waking Jensen up and pound him though the mattress. Cooking had helped centre himself and by the time he heard Jensen behind him he was absolutely certain that it had all been an illusion.

And then he’d turned around and all he could think was I’m so fucking screwed.

Jensen had stood there looking so unsure and nervous that Jared had force himself not pull him into an embrace. Then Jared noticed that he was wearing Jared’s t-shirt and Jared had to bite his lips to prevent himself from moaning because the picture no the vision Jensen had created with his hair all messed up and nervously biting his lips wearing Jared’s clothes; Jared wanted to pick him up and then take him back to bed and never let him go.

So he did the only coherent thought in his mind; he offered food.

It had been ok until Jensen started eating like he was performing fellatio. Jared’s eyes zeroed on those pouty lips that were still a little puffed from last night’s deeds and now shiny with grease and oil from the food. Jared wanted to lick those lips so bad that he couldn’t think of anything else for the next couple of minutes. He had never thought eating was sexy before but apparently Jensen could make anything look sexy.

Jared had stared at those lips as they bit and chewed and all he wanted to do was drag those lips into his mouth and suck. He didn’t know how but he ended up doing just that and somehow they ended up playing footsie; footsie like some kind of teenage love sick girl. But it seemed Jensen always reduced him to his basic emotions…need…want…take and Jared just freaked.

When Jensen started asking all those questions like where were they going? What they were doing? Did this mean everything was forgiven? Jared had felt like his head was about to explode; he wanted to scream that he didn’t know because really he didn’t have a clue what was happening.

He wanted to be with Jensen forever but he was petrified by how much he really wanted it; he had forgiven Jensen but he was scared at how quickly he had forgiven Jensen. Because Jensen was the one person who could tear out his heart and break it as easily as one could break a mirror and Jared didn’t think he could survive that again.

So he had lashed out. He had said everything he could think off; he threw everything they shared back in Jensen’s face. He knew how much he was hurting Jensen; he could see it in his lover’s eyes but all Jared could think was how painful it had been when Jensen left and how his heart could not survive it again because what guarantee was there Jensen wouldn’t leave him again?

Jared had been furious when Jensen had left, what right did Jensen had to ask him of this? He was the one that left…Jared and everything they had once shared. Their date had been amazing; the love-making wonderful, together they were perfect. And Jared fumed because this should’ve been his; all these years it should’ve been his and Jensen had taken it away. They could’ve been so happy together; that perfection that they were and Jensen had broken it.

By the time he had calmed down Jared’s living room was worse for wear but he didn’t care because things were fixable, replaceable but he doubted what was between them were.

He felt his soul weep at that thought and his heart refused to believe it and as more Jared thought about it; the more he started to question himself and his perception. Seriously had they been that perfect? Every relationship had its flaws didn’t it?

They had been so young at the time, heck he had been 16 years old and he had been ready to get married to Jensen and Jared was sure if he was capable he would’ve been thinking about babies as well, was that healthy or normal when you were a sixteen years old boy?

Yes his feelings at the time had been real, but it was a hormonal time, falling in love for the first time. Jared still remembered that dizzy feeling he got every time Jensen smiled at him or kissed him.

Would that have lasted forever? Would that have been enough to satisfy their relationship? Would it have nurtured them to grow closer together or grow more apart?

Jared remembered when Jensen first told him that he wanted to play pro football; he had been excited at first but then a niggling doubt set in. Wouldn’t it mean Jensen would move away and maybe he would get too busy maybe he would find someone else?

That fear had stayed him throughout their relationship because why would Jensen stay with him when he could have a pick of anyone he wanted? He was Jared a geek and a dork whereas Jensen seemed like a god amongst man; he was hot, talented, smart and top it all of he was nice about it; he wasn’t a jerk like all the other jocks, he got along with everyone and they loved him right back.

So Jared had worked out everything like a plan; he researched and read until his eyes hurt. He was pretty much dictatorial in working out which team should Jensen try out for, which college Jensen should apply to and Jensen had agreed to everything with a blinding smile on his face because he hadn’t cared about all of that he just wanted to make Jared happy.

Jared hadn’t been ashamed of what he did back then because really he just suggested these options he hadn’t forced Jensen into it or into a situation he didn’t want to go to. Jensen wanted to play ball he didn’t care which one he played for so if Jared suggested Columbia because that’s where Jared wanted to go and if Jensen agreed there were nothing wrong with it. At the time Jared didn’t think he had been doing anything wrong but now he could see how selfish and manipulative he had been because he couldn’t bear the thought of Jensen leaving him, plain terrified what would happen if Jensen went too far away from the valley, even if it was to make his dream come true.

But ultimately Jensen had left only he hadn’t left him to play football; Jensen had left to protect him. How ironic was that? Now Jared could appreciate it; Jensen really did know him because he would’ve hated all the secrecy that would’ve entailed being the partner of a gay football player. He would’ve protested otherwise back then but now he knew it wouldn’t have worked out. It might’ve even turned their relationship into something so bitter where they both ended up resenting each other.

What would Jared have done if he had been in Jensen’s position? Would Jared take a different path if he was faced with the same dilemma? Jared tried to put himself in Jensen’s shoe, just turned18 both naïve and scared but willing to protect the one you love at any cost and trying to protect your dream at the same time. Until then he had never appreciated how hard it must have been for Jensen to make that decision because he never doubted it would’ve been an easy decision for him. Knowing what he knew now could he still blame Jensen? The most honest answer would be…no!

And it hadn’t been about that, when Jensen wanted answers to all those questions. He waited for the same resentment to surface, even a little but it hadn’t. Only he just let Jensen believe it because even though he really had forgiven Jensen it didn’t mean he still hadn’t been shit scared.

He was terrified because loving Jensen actually hurt, like he couldn’t breathe, like he would die if he didn’t get to touch Jensen one more time. It had been like a part of something inside him belonged to Jensen. He knew what Jensen would say, that it was supposed to be like that, it was supposed to be like breathing the same air, feeling the same heartbeat as they melted into each other.

But was it enough? It hadn’t been enough back then so why would it be enough this time? And where was the guarantee that Jensen wouldn’t just leave again?

Jared realised he was most terrified of this one; the same insecurity he had when he was a teenager. What if Jensen left again? He might’ve survived it once but he wouldn’t again; he was sure of it.

A screeching sound jolted Jared back to the present; he looked around for the source of noise and saw a bird perched on a tree before it flew off into the woods. He marvelled at the bird’s freedom to be able to just fly away from everything and wished he could too. But wasn’t that real cowardice, to just want to run away from your problems?

No love or relationship came with a guarantee, just like life didn’t come with a guarantee. He could die tomorrow did that mean he should stop living his life today, no. People didn’t enter relationships knowing where it was going, would it last forever or couple of days. Yes those thoughts do fleet across but they shouldn’t be the main or only reason to be with the other person. It was all about trust really, it was all about trusting the other person as well as loving them. And Jensen had been right in wanting that trust, because without it their relationship wouldn’t even begin let alone move onto something more.

In his heart Jared knew he trusted Jensen more than he trusted himself but he was just too scared too show it. Jared sighed loudly, it all came down to that one word hadn’t it; scared; he was just too scared when it came to Jensen. But wasn’t that a form of running away as well? Wasn’t that being a coward as well?

These thoughts had plagued Jared’s mind ever since Jensen’s confession because Jared was in conflict with his very sense of self. He hated cowards, one of the very reasons he was angry with Jensen in the first place. But now he knew Jensen hadn’t been a coward at all; he had been brave enough to give up someone he loves in order to protect them. Yes it had been naïve and stupid but it wasn’t cowardly. He had done what he thought was right at that moment in time maybe it had been the wrong decision but maybe it had been the right one, they would never know and dwelling on it now was both pointless and stupid.

And right now Jared was the one being stupid; he was the coward one. He was the one too terrified to trust his own heart, to take that step forward to make himself happy.

He shook his head as if making up his mind, ‘Well now it’s time to do something about this because Jared Padalecki is no coward’. Yes their relationship might’ve went down the drain before and it hurt like hell but back then they were just two little boys playing the grown-up game.

Well they weren’t little boys any longer; he just hoped it wasn’t too late.

Chapter 14:

Jensen made his way down to breakfast feeling more refreshed than he had felt in ages.

He finally stopped having nightmares about the accident and slept through the night without waking up. It was doing amazing thing for his disposition as well as his health. That night of crying had been almost a form of catharsis for Jensen; it felt like he was crying it all out, his lost love, lost career, frankly Jensen had just felt like he finally found a direction after being lost for so long.

His grandmother always liked to say that a good cry never hurt anybody but Jensen really hadn’t believed that until now. Strangely he hadn’t felt ashamed for breaking down like that in front of his parents. Then again why should he? They were his parents they never judged him before and they wouldn’t judge him now. And they didn’t, they just held him and let him cry, they felt his pain as if it’s their very own and cried with him.

Jensen found it ironic that at the time he had thought his heart was breaking in so many pieces it might never heal again; only that night had become his salvation. The night when his parents had been talking about ending their marriage became the night they also found their love again.

For that night not only saved Jensen’s sanity it also saved his parents marriage.

His parents started talking to each other again now and Jensen saw signs that they might be really communicating not just about him but what they really want from each other and their marriage. Jensen saw that twinkle in his father’s eyes return day by day, a spring in his step and Jensen didn’t think it was possible but his mother was becoming even more beautiful.

Apparently his grandmother was right about another thing, an Ackles in love was a beautiful sight to behold.

Jensen smiled at the way they acted with each other, like two teenager discovering love for the first time. The melancholy in his heart couldn’t dim the happiness he felt for his parents. They deserved the happiness that came from true love and for the first time Jensen wondered if he was even worthy of Jared’s love.

After everything that happened he knew there was no more to say, it was all up to Jared now and Jensen wouldn’t blame Jared if he never forgave him. But his heart ached at that thought and his mind refused to believe it. Because he knew this was it; Jared was his one and only and if he didn’t have Jared what did he have?

He tried to avoid Jared after that night but he didn’t need to, Jared was nowhere to be seen, for the past two weeks they haven’t seen or spoken to each other. Jensen saw Tom in town the other day and the other man had just smiled sadly. He wondered what Jared was thinking, if they couldn’t even stand to look at each other how can they live in the same town?

The Valley was small and Jensen wasn’t going anywhere; he finally decided to put his roots back down to where they belonged, in his home town. He realised that it wasn’t just because of Jared; it was also because he missed the town so much, he missed his parents and he missed his friends.

And he also had some idea what he wanted to do with the rest of his life; he wanted to go back to his other passion, Journalism. He just hoped Michael would agree to give him a job without any prior experience.

The sound of doorbell jerked him out of his thoughts; who could it be right now? Both his parents were out and it’s not like he had visitors beating down the door.

It could be Jared, something whispered in his mind.

Jensen didn’t let himself hope, he couldn’t. By the time he made it to the door he almost worked himself up to an anxiety attack.

He opened the door with much trepidation all of which vanished as soon as he opened the door and instead all he was left was with huh?

“Chad?” he didn’t even realise he was using Chad’s first name a deed he hadn’t done since he had met Murry.

“Hey Jensen,” which just confused Jensen even more.

Chad was standing there looking almost sheepish, a trait he had never seen on the other man’s face and he was being civil. Did he fall asleep and wake up in another reality or something?

“Erm, Hey Chad, what are you doing here?” he felt almost compelled to ask.

“Can I come in?”

Can he come in? He wanted to snort at his face but that would’ve been too rude and his mother would raw his hide for being disrespectful to a guest so he just moved away from the hallway and indicated Chad to come in.

“What is it Murry? Why are you here in my town, in my house? And what were you doing with Jared?” Jensen stood up feeling more and more apprehensive.

“Chill man, Jared is a pretty cool guy we just became good friends that’s all,” Chad shrugged.

Jensen raised one eyebrow, if that douche thought he could get out of it that easily he was in for a big surprise.

“Ok look Jake sent me,” Chad sighed.

Jake McMillan was the owner of the Chicago Lions, “Jake sent you here? Why?” Jensen anger gave away to confusion.

“Well he has an offer for you and the coaches and we the whole team agree with him,” Chad said.

“What offer?” as they said curiosity killed the cat.

“We want you to come back to Chicago Lions,” Chad paused as if for impact.

Jensen waited for that elation to come but the despair he felt when he had that accident had melted away in the past couple of weeks. He knew it would be so easy to take that offer but for some strange reason he wasn’t tempted, not even a little.

“You’re one of the best Quarterback’s the NFL has ever had, you will be a legend and we don’t want to lose you. So Jake wants you to come back…as a coach,” Chad was grinning and looked expectantly at Jensen as if he was going to a couple of cartwheels.

Jensen thought what an honour it would be to return as a coach, to teach the future NFL talents. Jensen sighed inwardly, really he was sad to turn it down but he really had no desire to go back to football, other than watching it and maybe writing about it.

“Chad I’m flattered by the offer but I’m afraid I have to decline,” he said.

“But…”Chad looked genuinely baffled and two weeks ago Jensen would’ve been baffled by his own descion too but now his head was clear and his path even clearer.

Jensen gave a look that quenched Chad’s any more question and he just nodded and quietly left. Jensen had to give it to the guy; he knew how much it took for Chad to come and ask that of him but Jensen knew they would get over it…eventually, he mused.

Jensen sat there in the quite of his parent’s living room; his head filled with everything and nothing. The shrilling of his cell phone made him pause; he had only two guesses who that could be.

Chad would’ve already let Jake know about his refusal but Jake himself wouldn’t call on his cell phone like that, the guy was very big on privacy and shit. So that meant he would get reinforcement and the only person Jensen would seriously listen to would be Chris.

He flipped open his cell; yup it was Kane all right.

Jensen braced himself for the rollicking he was about to get and answered, “Hello.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind Ackles?” and there it was.

“Hello to you too Chris, how are you? I’m fine thanks, long time no contact,” Jensen was grinning, oh how he had missed his friend.

“You complete and utter twit,” Chris continued.

“Twit?” Jensen was amused.

“Oh Steve was watching something on BBC the other day,” Chris had the habit of picking up whatever his boyfriend was obsessed with at the time “and you know that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,” Jensen could hear the smirk.

“Aw I missed you too baby,” Jensen pulled a drink out of the fridge, was 11am too early in the morning to start drinking? Oh well it was evening somewhere in the world.

“Jensen what were you thinking? What am I saying obviously you weren’t thinking? Do you realise how big of an opportunity this is?” the shouting had stopped and now came the cajoling.

Jensen groaned to himself; he’d probably have to put up with questions of his sanity for turning down such a generous offer.

“Chris I understand what you’re saying and I understand exactly what I’m turning down and no I haven’t gone insane,” Jensen rubbed his face with his free hand and sat down on the kitchen counter. “Man you know me; I have zero patience for teaching and more so I don’t want it at the end of the day it all comes down to that one thing Chris I don’t want to be a coach or anything to do with football or any sports really,” Chris let out a disbelieving huff so he finished, “apart from watching it on TV like every other American of course.”

“Jensen it’s not healthy if you just…” Chris trailed off.

“Just what, are you a shrink now? Chris I’ve dealt with my accident and I know I’ve said it before and maybe I hadn’t back then but since I came here…”Jensen didn’t know how to describe that feeling of freedom to someone who most likely wouldn’t understand, “Chris you know how much I love playing, but that’s it I love playing the beautiful game, I don’t want to teach it or endorse it or whatever, I just wanted to play,” Chris stayed silent and Jensen continued, “I realised Chris that it’s just football, its just a game its not life. I will always have that love of the game but I don’t need to stay connected to it for the rest of my life.” Chris hadn’t said much after that but only that he’d let Jake know about Jensen decision. He promised to go visit Chris and Steve and he would Jensen realised, couple of years ago that would’ve been an empty promise but now he’d truly come to understand what was important in life.

Jensen closed his phone with a sense of elation; that part of his life was over and he was feeling nervous and excited at the same time over what was to come in the future; he just hoped it included Jared.

Chapter 15:

Jensen felt stunned, what the hell just happened? He came over to Michael ask for a job, as some sort of writer; features, sports anything really he hadn’t thought just because he played pro football couple of years Michael would go easy on him and hire him right away. He even prepared a sample of columns he had written when he was in college, only how the hell did he end up becoming head of sports?

Michael’s argument had been so convincing at the time that Jensen felt like that it had been his decision all along.

“Jensen you’re an amazing player but you are an even better strategist, which is why I guess the Lions wanted you as their coach,” the first thing Michael had said after Jensen asked for an opportunity.

“How do you know that?” Jensen wondered what the hell was wrong with this town.

“Oh everyone knows it’s all over the town,” Michael looked genuinely perplexed, “which is why I’m even more confused as to why you are begging me for a job.”

“Of-course I’m not going to be a coach. I’m going to put that degree I earned flat out on my butt to good use and I don’t want to teach anyway, I want to write. I haven’t written in so long that I was afraid that I’ve forgotten how to but then the other day I sat down and nearly wrote 30K on how the NFL was moving further away from raw football and more about everything else and I don’t mean to brag but it wasn’t half bad. And the most amazing thing of all, I still felt that same adrenalin rush when I was seconds away from a touchdown, I felt the same rightness holding a pen that I felt when I held a football.” Michael had a weird gleam in his eyes when Jensen finished.

Jensen felt a bit uncomfortable under the scrutiny; he’d always been sensitive over his writings one of the main reasons he never wrote seriously before but now, now he was ready.

“Congratulations Jensen you just got yourself a job,” Jensen was starting to get a little scared at the manic grin that appeared on Michael’s face. He wondered if he was about to become the all around errand boy. Oh well he was prepared to start at the bottom; he just hoped he might get to write once in a while.

“Come on let me show you your desk and introduce you to everyone,” his desk?

The hubbub of the reporter’s room quietened down a little when Michael came in; it was a medium sized room with different sections clearly partitioned off. It gave the room a feel of space without being too intimidating, and everyone could clearly interact with each other easily with still giving each person their privacy giving the newsroom a community feel to it. Jensen felt instantly at home; he could see himself working here in 20/30 years time and he felt as if a weight over his shoulder had lifted.

Now he just had to convince Jared to take him back and marry the guy before he changed his mind and live happily ever after. Jensen sighed wistfully, if only it were that easy.

A murmur of hello pulled him back to the present they all looked expectantly at him; shit he hadn’t heard a single thing Michael just said…was Jensen supposed to say something?

“Erm, hello everyone I’m really looking forward to working with you all,” he felt his lips stretch into such a big smile his cheeks hurt. But they all seemed happy with his declaration because they were all smiling and nodding at him. Michael waved him through a couple of desk and finally turned him towards an empty desk by the window. Jensen’s eye honed in on the name plate, “Head of Sports,” was written in a silver plated letters.

“Michael?”

“Chief.”

“What?”

“From now on call me Chief, its one of the perks of having this dastardly job,” Jensen could hear the fond amusement in Michael’s voice.

“Well chief why the hell are you giving me this desk?”

“Because it’s your desk,” Michael said in a voice one reserves for talking to a toddler.

Jensen just glared at the man, he knew Michael was doing it on purpose, “I just want to write about sports chief I don’t want be head of the whole section.”

“You are going to write about sports,” Michael now looked genuinely confused.

“Then why don’t you give a writer’s desk with the other sports writers…” Jensen trailed off as Michael burst out laughing.

“Jensen this isn’t the New York Times! You are the only sports writer; you are also the only sports editor. Let’s just say you are the head of the department, you’re also the only staff in your department. Most of the departments pretty much work like that; we don’t have enough resources or the need to have so many reporters. Everyone pulls their weight around here and in summer you’ll get a couple of unfortunate souls wandering in looking for work experience before they go off to college, you remember that don’t you Jensen?” Michael looked amused and continued, “this is a tough job Jensen but I know you’re going to love it and you know why?” the weird manic looking gleam was back and Jensen was man enough to admit he was a little scared.

“Why?”

“Because you love sports, you don’t care about everything else that happens around the sports world you just love the game and focus on how to make it better, which is why you are going to make a fine reporter.” Michael turned around to leave and then stopped again. “Oh I hear your boss is quite the slave driver so I’d enjoy the weekend and be here bright and early Monday morning Ackles,” Michael’s tone was amusing but his eyes were firm and Jensen thought what the hell have I let myself in for?

He walked out of the Journal newsroom in a daze; he got himself a job and now it was time to go about finding a realtor he couldn’t live in his parent’s house forever and maybe it would prove to Jared that he was serious about staying.

Jensen was so lost in thought he didn’t even realise someone was in his way until he walked straight into them. They both bumped with an ‘oomph’ and Jensen knew it was Jared before he even looked up, nobody felt or smelt like Jared, nobody.

“Jensen you okay? I’m so sorry I had my head up in the clouds,” Jared offered a nervous smile.

‘You and me both’, thought Jensen, “I’m sorry too Jay I wasn’t watching either…”he forgot what else he was about to say when Jared gave his trademark wide eyed smiled, eyes twinkling, dimple showing the one that could send many men to their knees and made Jensen’s heart flip like crazy.

“I’m glad I run into you, I wanted to talk to you,” then hurriedly said, “It’s really important,” as if thinking Jensen would say no.

Didn’t the guy know it yet that Jensen couldn’t deny him anything.

“Sure where do you want to talk?”

“You remember the St Claire’s barn?” Jared asked a huge blush spreading on his face. How could Jensen ever forget, it was the place they had lost their virginities together. He wondered was it a good thing or bad thing that Jared wanted to go there and just nodded, “Well let’s go there.”

Jensen wordlessly followed Jared with a sense of déjà vu, his heart heavy as if he knew things were about to come to a conclusion. Would they be able to put their past behind them and move to the future? Which he was sure they will the only question now remained was will they do it together, or alone.

~*~*~

Jared felt like he might vomit any minute, the only thing stopping him was that it wasn’t exactly the right way to win Jensen over. He had been so psyched when he got out of the house; he even rehearsed everything he was going to say in front of a mirror but it all kind of vaporised when he literally run into Jensen. And what a good start that was, he berated himself running the man down. He balled his hands into fists everything was going wrong, why the hell did he suggest that place? And then blushing like a freaking virgin at the same time. He sneaked a look at Jensen, the man looked deep in concentration maybe he was thinking how to tell Jared he was being an idiot in a nice way. The barn came into a view and he took a deep breath; it felt right in a way going back to the place where it all began.

The St Claire’s barn was the most popular hotspot for teenage love, it was not too far away from town to be completely cut off from town but hidden enough to offer privacy. Jared remembered that day when they first came at the barn the feelings had been almost same, the same anxiety and nervousness bubbled in his stomach. Only Jensen had kissed him until he had forgotten it all; he wished Jensen would do that now.

Jensen gave him a weird look and he hope his longing wasn’t clearly written in his face and offered a wide smile, which seemed to weird Jensen out even more.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Jensen asked.

Jared cleared his throat, here goes nothing, “First of all I wanted to apologise about the other day. It doesn’t matter how angry I was with you I never should’ve done that.”

“It’s not your fault Jay, it’s mine and it’s the situation that I put us in,” Jensen let out a deep sigh and Jared just wanted this to be over.

He wanted all the bad stuff and the apologies out of the way; he wanted a clean slate, a fresh start for both of them so they can have their happy ending.

“Jensen I heard you got offered the job of a coach,” he said and Jensen looked a little pissed off, maybe he didn’t want Jared to know? “I wanted to say that it doesn’t matter,” he took a deep breath “I love you and maybe back then I wasn’t strong enough to for this but now I am. So go be a coach or whatever you want and I’d come with and I’ll stand by you through it all,” he offered a nervous smile.

Jensen looked like he had been hit by a truck, “Jared what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you dolt and I’m strong enough to follow you to the end of the earth for that love if you’re with me. I’m sure they have schools in Chicago?” he turned it into a question because Jensen still looked like he just saw aliens.

“Are you saying you forgive me?” Jensen whispered as if this was all a dream he was afraid of waking up from. Jared really wanted to say duh but that probably wouldn’t be the most sensitive course of action. So he did the only thing he could think of, he took a step forward and slowly pulled Jensen into a kiss.

Slow and lazy would probably the only way to describe that kiss as if they had all the time in the world. These were Jared’s favourite kisses; he loved it when Jensen went all dominant and the kisses with bites and licks. But these slow, languid kisses when Jensen just wrapped his tongue around Jared’s and just sucked; Jared felt like he was in heaven.

They slowly pulled away as their lungs started to burn from the lack of oxygen and they both took deep breaths, him because really he just needed to breathe and Jensen because apparently he needed to clear his head.

“Jay this is a bad idea we always end up having sex but that’s not the solution to our problems,” Jensen took a step back.

“It’s not?” Jared asked almost innocently and smiled at the glare sent in his direction.

“I love you and I know you love me so what’s the problem?” he asked, really what was the problem.

“You don’t trust me,” Oh right that.

“But I do Jensen,” Jensen looked ready to interrupt but Jared continued, “You remember this barn Jensen? You remember that day, I was terrified but I trusted you with my body and heart and soul,” Jensen looked like he was in pain and Jared understood it still hurt Jensen that he had broken that trust and said so.

“But you didn’t break that trust Jen, I thought you did but now I realised you never broke that trust. You tried to protect me the only way you knew how, you may have broken my heart but you never broke my trust Jen,” Jensen didn’t look convinced.

“It’s not about me forgiving you Jen because I’ve already done that. It’s about you forgiving yourself, you have to forgive yourself,” and he felt tears falling, when did he start crying?

“How can I Jay? How can I forgive myself for what I did to you?” Jensen was in tears too.

Jared pulled him into his arms, “You love me right?” Jensen nodded, “you’d do anything for me?” Jensen nodded again and Jared couldn’t help but add “Walk over coals and shit,” Jensen let out a weak laugh and nodded.

“And I’ll do the same for you, that’s all we need to know,” he pulled Jensen away so he can look into those eyes, “You’re my shining star remember and I’m yours.” Jensen gave him a look of pure love and devotion that Jared thought his heart might melt.

Both of them sat down, “Jen I wasn’t ready back then, I know now I wouldn’t have been able to cope with all that back then. I wasn’t strong enough but now, now I am.”

“Oh god Jay I can’t believe this, I mean it’s so simple? So easy to forgive and forget?” and Jared realised that Jensen was terrified that maybe this was all some sort of joke. “Shouldn’t that be my line?” Jensen just glared, ok so enough time hadn’t passed for this to be funny.

“You know what we need? We need a clean slate; like a fresh start,” Jared really liked the idea while Jensen just looked confused.

“Hello I’m Jared Padalecki I’m 28 years old and I’m a primary school teacher,” Jensen looked amused.

“Erm, Hi?” But continued when Jared nodded along seriously, “I’m Jensen Ackles I’m 30, nearly 31 and I’m a reporter for the Valley Journal.”

Jared forgot all about the game when he heard that, “What? You’re not taking the coaching job?”

Jensen scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, “No, I didn’t want to and I really want to get back to writing.”

Jared was happy, not because he hadn’t wanted Jensen to follow his dream, like he had said before he would’ve followed Jensen but he would’ve missed the Valley.

“Well you learn something new everyday,” he said making Jensen smirk.

“We can’t change what happened in the past Jen, we can only move to the future. I think this is our time, that this is the right time for us Jen to start over, start again.” Jared felt like his heart would burst out of his chest; he was daring to hope again, please god let him say yes. But Jensen didn’t say anything; he hadn’t needed to for his eyes said it all, behind the tears they were sparkling with joy and hope, they were shining like bright stars with love.

They both kind of fell onto each other, no words were spoken, nothing needed to be said. The kissing gave away to something more as they had slipped the clothes off. They had touched each other silently, reverently like a prayer.

Suddenly the movement changed, they became harder, more urgent as Jensen drove himself inside of Jared; he curved forward and pulled Jensen into a hard kiss. Jared surrendered himself to the kiss, to the feelings losing track of everything but them. The feeling of fullness, completion was incredible, Jensen coaxed him into another kiss as if he couldn’t bear to let go of any part of Jared. Jared felt the same way, “love you baby,” they whispered almost simultaneously against their lips, making them both laugh breathlessly and immediately lost themselves to each other.

Jared lost himself in the bliss, he was pretty sure he had thrashed about and moaned like a whore but when Jensen really lost himself in sex he went wild and it was so delicious that it had been just too much.

Through the haze of his own orgasm he felt Jen thrust sharply, every inch of his inside was warm and flooded with Jensen’s seed and Jared almost creamed himself again at that feeling. They held each other through the aftershocks babbling incoherently about how much they loved each other.

Jared felt like his heart was about to burst from happiness, it felt so right being with Jensen, loving Jensen. He remembered when he had first heard Jensen was back and how much out of sync he had felt then, how much he wanted Jensen to go away. He thanked whatever deity that made Jensen came back to the Valley so that they could have their second chance.

“We should take it slow,” after a while Jared said.

Jensen looked reluctant but nodded anyway. “Jensen,” he called.

“Hmm?” Jensen looked questioningly.

“Want to get married?” Jensen narrowed his eyes, “You’d look pretty in white.”

“Baby if we ever got married you would so be the wife,” Jensen drawled, oh how he missed Jensen’s sexy drawl it still sent shivers down his spine and the idiot knew it too by the smirk he was wearing.

“I’ll have you know I’d make a damn good wife,” Jared protested as Jensen burst into laughter.

“Of-course you will my pretty wife,” and moved away before Jared’s smack found its target.

They held each other in silence for a while just watching the sun set in the horizon when Jared remembered something “Jen,” he whispered.

“Hmm?” Jensen was starting to doze off.

“You remember when you first came to my house and I told you to stay away from me or I’ll make your life a misery?”

“Yeah…” Jensen lifted his head from Jared’s chest so they could look eye to eye.

“Well I want you to forget about that, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making you happy,” he said as Jensen quirked his eyebrow.

“Aw you’re going to make me cry again baby,” Jensen was still amused very easily.

“No I’m going to make you laugh and smile and happy,” he said in a no nonsense tone of voice.

“Dude we aren’t chicks you know,” Jensen quipped.

“Yeah and thank god for that,” Jared said.

“Cause then we’d be like lesbians,” Jensen was grinning in a way as if he was quite excited about the prospect of being a lesbian. Jared didn’t know if he should laugh or cry, “I know what you’re thinking,” said Jensen.

“Oh yeah, what am I thinking then?” Jared looked intently at Jensen, seriously if he came up with any stupid ass idea Jared would kick him.

“You’re thinking I want to confess my true love and you want to talk about lesbians!” Jensen grinned happily for a guy who was about to get kicked out of this make-shift bed. “But you know what I’m thinking?” Jensen asked.

“Let me guess, lesbians?” Jared groused, why were they talking about lesbians?

Jensen nodded, “I’m thinking if I was a lesbian, I’d want to be one with you and only you Jared Padalecki,” he was looking mighty proud of himself.

Oh god he was going to spend the rest of his life with this idiot, and as Jensen pulled him into another kiss Jared realised he couldn’t wait.

Epilogue:

It was a beautiful day for a wedding.

The sun was shining the birds were singing and their friends and family were scattered around the chapel garden looking almost as happy as the couple, so yes it was a perfect day for a summer wedding.

Jensen shook his head from side to side if only to get more comfortable in his penguin suit, stupid tuxedos. Just because it’s a wedding didn’t mean he had to wear a tuxedo but his mother had insisted and Jared had agreed with her. Although it did have some fringe benefits, after their first fitting when Jensen had come out of the fitting room, Jared had shortly dragged him away and did some wicked things to Jensen involving his tongue and Jensen’s cock. So if wearing tuxedos had such effects on Jared; he could put up with it also it kept his mother from nagging him.

It’s not like he was the only one, his father looked as uncomfortable as he was. Jensen looked sideways and saw Jared standing in his tux in a relaxed pose as if he was born to wear one. Jensen took in Jared’s profile; he looked beautiful standing there and Jensen just wanted to drag him away from here lock them in their bedroom and never come out. Sadly he couldn’t do that, if Jared didn’t kill him first his mother surely will.

A small smile graced his lips at the thought of his mother, in the last seven months his life had changed so drastically…for the better. It had been a pleasure getting to know his parents again that Jensen had felt ashamed that he didn’t make the same effort before but now he understood rather than regretting the past he should be working to make a better future.

The last seven months had been amazing, loving Jared, living with Jared. It was better than Jensen could’ve ever imagined. It’s like their lives just fell around each others, it was all so normal and domestic. The domestic stuff had been a problem at first but as they lived with each other that too kind of fell into its place. Jensen hated cooking but Jared loved it, Jared on the other hand hated cleaning while Jensen was a neat freak (according to Jared he had a mild form of OCD). But they worked it out around each other; although it hadn’t been all easy they still had spectacular fights but those didn’t last long because an angry Jared is a hot Jared who shared the same sentiment about an angry Jensen. So most of their fights ended up with them pounding each other through the mattress or whatever surface was available at the time, sometimes they fought with each other deliberately so they could have make-up sex, it was awesome.

The flutter of summer breeze washed over Jensen and he took a deep breath, Jared had suggested that as this was a summer wedding maybe they should have it in the church garden. Jensen at the time had been sceptical, weren’t there bees flying around in the gardens at that time of year? But now he could see it had been a beautiful idea.

He glanced at the front pew, his grandmother was crying in her hanky even thought the ceremony hadn’t even started yet. Sophia was sitting in between the two Michael’s one looking outrageously flamboyant in an all pink suit with Tom’s arm looped around his. The other Michael; Jensen’s slave driver boss was looking at Sophia like she was some sort of creature from outer world. Jensen had got know Sophia again over the last couple of months when she finally got over her anger towards him. She was one of the gutsiest women Jensen knew apart from his own mother but she went all deer-caught-in-the-headlights whenever she caught sight of Jensen’s boss. Jensen is 90% sure they were sleeping with each other but Jared disagrees; he’s theory was that Sophia and Michael both fell in love at first sight but were scared of admitting their feelings for one another, Jensen had laughed at the implication but now he wasn’t so sure.

The distant ringing of the church bells pulled his attention at the front just like everyone else, his eyes caught Jared’s who had the happiest grin on his face and Jensen thought if he died right then he would die a happy man. He tried to catch Jared’s eyes again but Jared was already focused on the door opening towards the garden and Jensen turned around just in time to see the vision stepping in to the garden.

Samantha looked breathtakingly beautiful and Jensen felt his father’s breath hitch in his throat next to him, Jensen sneaked a glance at his father. Jeff looked like a man about to get married all right, terrified and excited at the same time. He focused his attention back at the front, his mother walking down the aisle in a beautiful cream gown, her blond hair falling in curls around her face in an artful arrangement and her crown made of daisy’s(another one of Jared’s ideas) that made her look like a fairy queen coming to claim her king.

When his parents first told him they were getting re-married Jensen thought it would be a low key affair in a registry office or something. But his hopes was dashed by Jared who had assured Samantha that he would take care of everything and somehow (ok so maybe there were sexual favours involved) roped Jensen into it as well.

Jensen had balked when they spent an entire weekend looking for the perfect wedding dress; a dress was a dress what was so freaking wrong with the first one they had seen? It was white and wedding looking so why couldn’t they just get that one? When he said so to Jared, who had told him to stop whining and explained, “Jensen your mom deserves to have the wedding she had always dreamed off, she didn’t have it the first time around so she should have it now.”

After that Jensen had stepped up to the plate, actually he had just stopped whining and let Jared handle everything without complaining, oh he also found the perfect wedding dress. Apart from making his mother happy, the reward had been worth tracking through entire 5th Avenue, three words; Jared, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce.

“Promise to love, cherish and honour you…”

Jensen smiled as his parents took their vows again and felt a yarning in his heart; he hoped one day he would be standing where they were with Jared, someday soon he hoped. He blinked away the tears in his eyes before they could fall and turned his eyes back to Jared who was standing for Samantha. Jared’s eyes were fixed to his and Jensen saw the same love and yarning in his eyes and Jensen felt his world shook a little and then tilt back into place. He didn’t know how they got through the rest of the ceremony; his whole world just fixed on Jared.

The reception was in full swing, speeches were made; Jensen gave one of them and for the life of him couldn’t remember what he had said but it must had been something really cheesy because it made his parents cry and he saw Jared wiping away tears inconspicuously.

Before they knew everybody was in the dance floor doing their thing. Jensen found her sitting in the head table talking to someone and approached the table with a flute of champagne, “Sharon?”

Jared’s mother turned around with a surprised smile on her face as if she still wasn’t used to smiling at him, “Jensen how are you doing darling?” she reached around him for a hug.

“I’m fantastic Sharon would you like to dance?” he asked giving her an awkward hug back, why was she being so nice, she hated him.

She gave him a genuinely happy smile, “I’d be delighted.”

Jensen twirled her around the floor; she moved with the same grace as her son, “You know Jensen when Jared first told me he was seeing you again I wasn’t happy.” Unhappy was an understatement; she had been furious.

She cut Jensen of before he could say anything, “But now I’m thinking maybe I was wrong. You make him happier than I have ever seen him and that comforts my heart more than anything,” she gave an affectionate kiss on one of his cheek.

Jensen was amazed; his eyes found Jared’s who was dancing with Jensen’s grandmother and looked as shocked as Jensen. They had given up on Sharon ever giving their blessing and Jensen knew it had hurt Jared more than he let on.

“I know you’re wondering why I changed my mind?” she asked.

Jensen nodded, “Because you didn’t defend your actions to me,” Jensen was now confused and she continued, “I know you are a very rich man Jensen, you could’ve bribed me, other man would’ve brought me diamonds and what not but not you,” Jensen had actually thought about it.

“You showed me in your actions how much you loved my son; you put away your pride and came and begged me to come to this wedding because you knew how much my son was missing me.”

She pulled him into a hug as the dance came to an end, “I am very happy for the both of you now go away and let me dance with my beautiful boy.”

Jensen stood back, he hadn’t even seen that Jared was there, he had tears in his eyes but his happy grin was now fixated on its place. Jensen quickly pulled him into a hug and dropped a kiss on one of the dimples, “Love you” he murmured and left mother and son to their reunion with a whisper of a kiss on his lips.

He navigated out of the dance floor where everybody was doing their own thing; his parents were doing a slow dance while Tom and Mike were doing some form of Latin dancing, well Mike was anyway Tom just looked like he was indulging Mike.

He walked to their table and found Sophia and Michael sitting on the opposite side, both with faces like thunder.

“Hey guys,” there were some sort of grumbled answers but Jensen was pretty sure one of them said, “Fuck off and die,” he was 99% sure it was Sophia but then again it could’ve been Michael, love makes a man do strange things.

“Look guys what is your problem with each other?”

“We don’t have a problem.”

“There is no problem.”

They both said simultaneously, and Jensen gave them a look that said plenty.

“So you like each other, love each other whatever, so what is the problem? Come one tell all to Jensen, he’s wise and all knowing he can help you.”

“Yeah I’m going to talk about my problem to someone, who refers to himself as a 3rd person,” Michael said with a raised eyebrow.

“Ha, so you admit there is a problem,” Jensen felt like punching a fist in the air.

“Of-course there is a problem; he’s a man isn’t he? With you men there are always problems,” Sophia scoffed.

“I’m the problem? You are the one who wouldn’t return my calls,” Michael sat up.

“Because you are a commitment phobic jerk and I don’t want waste my time with you,” god Sophia was vicious when she fought.

“I’m not commitment phobic just because I didn’t want to go on a holiday with you!”

“You laughed in my face when I told you,” she looked really hurt by now.

“You wanted to go to Disneyworld!” said Michael exasperatedly and Jensen stopped himself from snickering just in time.

“Just because I wanted to go to Disneyworld didn’t mean that it was a hint I wanted to have babies with you or something,” She snarled and Michael flinched, she looked triumphant as the mark hit its home.

“That wasn’t what I meant and you know it. Sophia I think I love you so if you want to go to Disneyworld we can go to Disneyworld,” he sighed.

Jensen looked from one to another like a tennis match; hopefully they will sort themselves out. They were stuck in a silent staring match, it was almost like a mating ritual and Jensen made his exit before they started making out or something.

“Who would’ve thought huh? Jensen Ackles the matchmaker,” two arms wrapped themselves around his waist and Jensen felt all his tension drain out his body as he slumped backward.

Jensen sighed in pleasure as Jared dropped little butterfly kisses at the back of his neck, “I think you are a bad influence on me Jay, I’m being all sensitive these days,” he sighed again.

“Nope, I think it’s because you know it makes me very happy if my family and friends are happy so you do whatever you can to make them happy and that makes me love you more and more,” Jared said knowingly and Jensen just shrugged he was too relaxed to care about being caught out.

Jared slowly turned him around, “We are done with all the duties and what not, so for the rest of the evening you are mine,” he breathed against Jensen’s lips making him moan.

“I’m yours now and forever,” Jensen groaned as Jared swiped his tongue against his lips.

They wrapped themselves up in each other as a slow but sad love song came on, as they danced Jensen found himself listening to the lyrics and realising how close he came to losing everything he held dear.

“Thank you” he whispered as he tucked his face into Jared’s neck.

“What for?” Jared asked.

“For giving me a second chance, for loving me, for making me happy and for giving me the chance to make you happy,” he wasn’t crying, no he wasn’t.

Jared just laughed slowly and kissed Jensen on top of his head, “Thank you for always being my shining star.” Any other time Jensen would’ve laughed at that endearment but now it struck a cord with him.

They were each other’s shining star, guiding one back to the other, back home, towards love, making them complete. And as they slowly danced the night away everything just washed over him making Jensen accept just how true it was.

Some things get lost  
Some things just disappear  
But not my love for you  
I’ll keep that close and near  
Some things just fade like scars and dreams  
I got your heart right here, with me

~ And They Lived Happily Ever After ~


End file.
